IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days many people prefer online shopping to conventional shopping. Do the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvatages?

Nowadays, shopping on the internet
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 popular option among individuals compared to widely accepted offline shopping.
While
Linking Words
 some drawbacks can still be
presented
Replace the word
present
show examples
 in online commerce, I believe that its benefits outweigh possible disadvantages. With
widespread
Correct article usage
the widespread
show examples
 development of internet retail, more people have noticed
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 changes
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it
brought
Verb problem
has brought
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Online shopping reduces
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 needed for purchasing daily
neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
, considerably saving valuable hours of many adults.
Instead
Linking Words
 of driving to conventional grocery stores or shopping centres and spending hours on the roads
due to
Linking Words
 traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
, online shopping provides
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
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 of ordering with just
several
Correct article usage
a several
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 clicks on the
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a wider range of products in shops
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 prices can be compared more easily.
For example
Linking Words
, one of the most popular
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
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 in Kazakhstan, Arbuz.kz, is providing varieties of tomatoes
cultivited
Correct your spelling
cultivated
 by different farms and suitable for people with different incomes. Some of them could be
delived
Correct your spelling
delivered
 directly from Kazakhstani farmers, costing 300 tenge per kilogram, or shipped from Italy
with
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 price of 2000 tenge.
However
Linking Words
, online shopping still demonstrates noticeable disadvantages
accociated
Correct your spelling
associated
 with security risks. Many incompetent merchants may scam ordinary people
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 the private data of credit cards (
such
Linking Words
 as security numbers) can be stolen.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many cases where scammers obtained customers' payment information and stole money from their bank accounts. From what has been discussed, here should be drawn a conlusion that online shopping shows valuable
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 to societies
accosiated
Correct your spelling
associated
 with time savings and ease in comparison of prices.
However
Linking Words
, the drawbacks are still
presented
Replace the word
present
show examples
, but they mostly
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how
carefull peope
Correct your spelling
careful people
 can
shop
Wrong verb form
be when shopping
show examples
.

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task
Say your view very clear at once and keep it in the rest of the essay.
task
Add more detail to each point with simple facts or ideas so your view is full.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Start a new paragraph for a new idea.
grammar
Check spell and grammar. Use short, easy sentences to avoid mistake.
lexical
Use simple words from the top 100 words and keep long lines short.
task response
You state a clear view in the first part.
coherence
You give a real example to show a point.
structure
The plan is easy to see: start, give points, end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • easy to use
  • save time
  • save money
  • home delivery
  • wide choice
  • compare prices
  • read reviews
  • fast delivery
  • 24/7 shop
  • secure payment
  • privacy risk
  • scams
  • fraud
  • wrong item
  • wrong size
  • return items
  • get money back
  • delivery delay
  • good service
  • trusted seller
  • clear return policy
  • customer support
What to do next:
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