IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In many countries, policymakers are debating the effectiveness of outright bans on unhealthy food and drinks to improve public
health
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some argue that
such
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 a measure is considered an infringement on personal freedom, I believe it is necessary to improve public
health
Use synonyms
 and promote economic growth.
To begin
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 with, the sale of foods and drinks that harm physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
 should be banned. Products sold in shops are often high in harmful substances,
such
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 as salt, sugar, and trans fats, which, when consumed regularly, can eventually lead to chronic diseases, including diabetes, hypertension, and cardiovascular disease.
Therefore
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,
health
Use synonyms
-related problems increase the burden on healthcare services, producing not only an unhealthy population but
also
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 a struggling economy.
For example
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, a 2023 study in Singapore showed a significant decline in
health
Use synonyms
 issues after the government forbade shops from selling processed food.
Furthermore
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, the government should enact a ban on harmful foods and drinks to maintain public order and productivity. To illustrate
this
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, fast food and unhealthy beverages often undermine mental and physical abilities, which negatively influence residents' productivity, leading to economic stagnation.
For instance
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, Saudi Arabia's strict prohibition on alcohol is often cited as a factor in its thriving economy and healthy population.
Consequently
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, if authorities enacted a law that forbade a wide variety of unhealthy items,
such
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 a measure would probably reduce numerous
health
Use synonyms
-related issues.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some may argue that consumption should be a matter of personal choice, I am convinced that targeted bans on harmful products are justified. Poor public
health
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 places a strain on healthcare systems and reduces citizens' productivity.

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structure
Add one clear counter idea and say why your view is still right.
content
Give two clear examples that fit your point.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences to avoid mistakes.
accuracy
Check the facts you use and avoid wrong facts.
Strength
Clear view of the issue.
Strength
Good use of linking words such as First, Furthermore, and To conclude.
Strength
Reason on health and work done by health policy is clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • food
  • drink
  • harm
  • science
  • prove
  • ban
  • rule
  • law
  • shop
  • sell
  • people
  • child
  • adult
  • choice
  • freedom
  • cost
  • benefit
  • risk
  • tax
  • label
  • warning
  • market
  • policy
  • work
  • plan
  • time
  • money
  • fair
  • clear
  • easy
  • difficult
  • strong
  • weak
  • plan
  • idea
  • enforce
  • educate
  • option
  • healthy
  • unhealthy
  • advertising
  • school
  • mother
  • father
  • family
  • society
  • government
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