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Writing Samples
Band 6

Childrem are facing more pressure nowdays from academic social and commercial prespective what are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce these.

There is no denying the fact that children today are under more
pressure
Use synonyms
 than ever before
due to
Linking Words
 academic, social, and commercial expectations.
This
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 issue has caused several problems in society.
Although
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 these problems are serious, I believe they can be solved;
this
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 is because understanding the root causes is essential, and it
also
Linking Words
 allows educators and parents to take targeted action.
To begin
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 with, one major issue is the intense academic competition among students, and it
also
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 includes peer
pressure
Use synonyms
 driven by social media and consumerism.
In other words
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, students are expected to achieve high grades,
enroll
Use the right word
enrol
show examples
 in extracurricular activities, and maintain a strong academic record to secure future opportunities, which creates mental stress.
For example
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, many children report anxiety or burnout
due to
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 schoolwork and the expectations of top performance.
Moreover
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, advertisements and social platforms push children to seek approval through material possessions, leading to low self-esteem when they cannot keep up. In terms of solutions, schools and governments can introduce well-being programs, and it
also
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 requires parents to create a supportive home environment. Indeed, mental health awareness campaigns and less
pressure
Use synonyms
 on
standardized
Use the right word
standardised
show examples
 exams can make a significant difference in reducing the burden.
For instance
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, schools in Finland focus on student happiness and creativity rather than exam performance, and they report higher academic success
overall
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.
Furthermore
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, parents can help by setting healthy boundaries with social media and
prioritizing
Use the right word
prioritising
show examples
 emotional intelligence over material success. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
this
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 issue has caused several problems, I believe there are practical solutions;
therefore
Linking Words
, raising awareness and building a child-friendly educational and social structure can significantly alleviate the
pressure
Use synonyms
 on young people.

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structure
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to share the main idea, then stay on that idea.
content
Add more real facts or numbers to back what you say.
language
Use simple words. Keep long ideas short and easy to read.
language
Link ideas in a smooth way with small words like and, but, so, then.
content
State a simple solution in each idea and connect it to the problem.
content
The writer shows a clear view that there are causes and fixes.
content
Good use of an example (Finland) to back the point.
structure
The plan moves from problem to fix in a logical way.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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