IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think that , prisoners should be made to do the communuity work instead of put them behind the bars. what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals argue that
prisoners
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 should be made to do
community
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work
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instead
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 of sitting in jail. In my opinion,
prisoners
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 should engage in
such
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work
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 for several reasons, which I will outline in the following essay. On the one hand, people who stay in
prison
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 and live at the expense of taxpayers should contribute to society by working for the
community
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.
Moreover
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,
work
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 can be a very effective form of therapy for them, as it may teach
prisoners
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 how to earn money legally.
Secondly
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, many offenders are convicted of minor crimes and are not dangerous to society. For these individuals,
community
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 service
such
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 as cleaning parks or beaches could be a valuable alternative to imprisonment.
For instance
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, in the USA, people charged with disorderly conduct may sometimes choose between a short
prison
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 term
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
community
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work
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. I believe
this
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 is a much better option because
prison
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 can often change a person for the worse or even cause psychological trauma.
On the other hand
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, some
prisoners
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 are convicted of serious crimes
such
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 as murder or rape, and they could pose a danger to society. Allowing them to
work
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 outside
prison
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 may create opportunities to escape. If
community
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work
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 is provided for
such
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 offenders, it should take place far from cities and under strict security.
Furthermore
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, even short periods of outdoor activity might give
prisoners
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 a sense of freedom and hope.
This
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 can be particularly significant for those serving life sentences, since
prison
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 is not only about physical walls but
also
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 about mental barriers. In conclusion, I believe
community
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work
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 should be encouraged, but it should mainly apply to those convicted of minor offences,
while
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 dangerous criminals should remain behind bars.

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task
Be clear in your view. Say what you think in the first paragraph and repeat it at the end.
coherence
Use small links to join ideas. Words like and, but, also help the flow.
examples
Give one or two real examples that fit the point.
grammar
Watch small grammar mistakes so the read is easy.
clarity
You show your view and give reasons for it.
structure
The essay has clear paragraphs and good sign words to guide the reader.
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