IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 shows us the
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people employed in 5 different categories of work in a region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the
chart
Use synonyms
 that the sales category was the most dominant factor in the
Use synonyms
chart
Punctuation problem
chart,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 farming had the fewest
employees
Use synonyms
. Many sectors experienced minimal growth or decline, but farming suffered the most with employment
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
show examples
 to the
chart
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, sales
employees
Use synonyms
 dominated
this
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
 as it had approximately 155000 in 2001
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 it maintained
this
Linking Words
 lead as the number of their
employees
Use synonyms
 rose to 165000. Following that, computing had a decent
amount
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 working for
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 capped at 50000 in 2001
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure
then
Linking Words
 started rising and capped at almost 62000 in 2008.
Similarly
Linking Words
, nursing demonstrated an upward trend
going
Punctuation problem
, going
show examples
 from 50000 workers in 2001 to just under 60000 workers after 7 years.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, accounting suffered a slight decline from its 60000
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2001 to 58000 in 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the farming category had the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of workers in
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was just above 20000
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2001 to
then
Linking Words
 dropping to an even lower
amount
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 18000 in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, amount, employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment trends
  • workforce
  • sector
  • industry
  • agriculture
  • services
  • economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • policy changes
  • notable increases/decreases
  • statistical data
  • regional employment patterns
  • comparative analysis
  • percentage points
  • employment rate
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