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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that living in a city is more beneficial, while others believe that life in the countryside is healthier and more peaceful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that city life offers more advantages,
while
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 others believe that living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is healthier and more peaceful.
Although
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 both sides have merits, I believe that urban residents ultimately enjoy greater benefits. Supporters of
this
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 view argue that people living in cities can easily access essential amenities
such
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 as quality education, advanced healthcare, and a variety of extracurricular activities.
This
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 ensures that they are less likely to suffer from illiteracy, inadequate medical treatment, or work–life imbalance.
For instance
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,
according to
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 UNESCO data, city residents in the USA are 70% more likely to pursue higher education than those in rural regions.
Moreover
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, cities
also
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 provide an abundance of employment opportunities. With numerous firms and industries, urban
areas
Use synonyms
 generate a wide range of job openings.
As a result
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, residents are less likely to fall into poverty and can maintain a more financially stable lifestyle.
For example
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, government statistics show that the poverty rate in metropolitan Korea is about 80% lower than in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, many people believe that life in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is more conducive to good health. Since a large proportion of villagers are engaged in farming, they often have access to fresh and organic food.
Consequently
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, they are more likely to enjoy a nutritious diet and are less prone to lifestyle-related diseases.
For instance
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, research in India suggests that villagers have lower obesity rates compared to their urban counterparts.
To sum up
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,
while
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 the countryside promotes health and peace, I am convinced that city life provides more substantial benefits
overall
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, particularly in terms of education, healthcare, and employment opportunities.

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content
Balance the two sides more. Some parts favor city life too much. Give equal time to the rural view.
content
Check facts or keep to ideas that you can back up with clear info. If you use numbers, be sure they are right or make them general.
language
Use short, simple sentences. Break long lines into smaller parts so the reader can follow.
structure
Use clear links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a main idea and use words to connect ideas.
structure
End with a clear view that matches your start. The conclusion should say your main idea again.
strength
Clear position on the topic
coherence
Good use of linking words to move from idea to idea
content
Some examples are used to support points
structure
Intro and conclusion present
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