IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of indigenous peoples living traditional lives in the world's rainforests are becoming fewer and fewer. Within a few decades the last of these indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. What are causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening ?

The proportion of local
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 living conventional lives in the world's rainforests
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 becoming less and less. In recent
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 of these native
tribes
Use synonyms
 may have
eradicated
Verb problem
been eradicated
show examples
 forever.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main problems caused by
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggest possible solutions. Nowadays, the indigenous people who live in the rainforests, and keep their valuable tradition from their
ansectors
Correct your spelling
ancestors
Punctuation problem
, still
show examples
still are
Correct word order
are still
show examples
disapperaring
Correct your spelling
disappearing
 in the world. The main reason for these
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
because
Change preposition
that
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 they don't have
any
Correct determiner usage
a
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 well-equipped,
cozy
Use the right word
cosy
show examples
, and comfortable home,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 don't
have even
Correct word order
even have
show examples
 any normal things to keep their health good.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are
taken
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 the
worce
Correct your spelling
worst
 health which they did ourselves, and are
extincting
Verb problem
becoming extinct
show examples
 from the world day by day.
For example
Linking Words
, in the Amazon rainforest, many
tribes
Use synonyms
 have been forced to move because their land was cleared for cattle farming. One possible solution is that governments and international
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 should provide better living conditions for indigenous people. If they are given access to healthcare, education, and basic facilities, their quality of life will improve, and they can preserve their traditions without the risk of extinction.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some parts of South America, NGOs have built medical
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
 and schools inside rainforest communities, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 helped
tribes
Use synonyms
 survive
while
Linking Words
 still maintaining their cultural identity. In conclusion, the disappearance of indigenous people is mainly caused by poor living conditions and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of basic needs.
However
Linking Words
, by offering healthcare, education, and protection of their lands, it is possible to ensure that these
tribes
Use synonyms
 continue to exist. If immediate action is taken, future generations will still be able to learn from their unique cultures and traditions.

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structure/organization
Your essay has a plan but needs more exact ideas and clear links between them.
task
Explain the causes in two clear points and add two fixes in the next parts.
language
Use simple, short sentences. Check grammar and spell words.
example
Add one more example that shows how actions help, not just say they help.
coherence
Use linking words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but' to connect ideas.
structure
The essay has a clear plan to discuss causes and fixes.
content
It uses a real place to show the issue.
content
There is a closing idea that actions can save lives and culture.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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