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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts illustrate how water is used in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

The charts illustrate how water is used in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
The pie charts depict for what
purpose
Use synonyms
 the
water
Use synonyms
 is being used in different regions.
Overall
Linking Words
, mostly
water
Use synonyms
 usage is observed for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agricultural purposes, followed by industries and
lastly
Linking Words
 for household usage. The
people
Check wording
people's
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utilization
Use the right word
utilisation
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
 is highest in
San
Use synonyms
 Diego County at almost
two-third
Use the right word
two-thirds
show examples
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 it declined to one-third for
California
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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almost
Verb problem
is almost
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 negligible if considered globally.
In contrast
Linking Words
, farming activities require less quantity for
San
Use synonyms
Diegao
Correct your spelling
Diego
 and increasing
further
Linking Words
 for
Use synonyms
california
Fix capitalization
California
show examples
 and highest if taken into consideration at
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 level.
Water
Use synonyms
 need is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for both
San
Use synonyms
 Diego and Worldwide
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
California
Use synonyms
 itself require one-third of the total
water
Use synonyms
 requirement for the state. Notably, the
water
Use synonyms
 usage is higher for cultivation
Use synonyms
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. In
Use synonyms
san
Fix capitalization
San
show examples
 Diego
county
Fix capitalization
County
show examples
, 60% is for Residential
Use synonyms
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 and 23% is for industry and 17 % for agriculture. In
California
Use synonyms
, there is almost equal sharing
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three
Use synonyms
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. At
Global
Correct article usage
the Global
show examples
 level, most of the
water
Use synonyms
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 for
agriclture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
,
near to
Use the right word
nearly
show examples
 one-fourth for industries and
near to
Rephrase
nearly
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 one-tenth for
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words purpose, water, san, california with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • water
  • use
  • home
  • garden
  • farm
  • world
  • city
  • share
  • percent
  • amount
  • more
  • less
  • same
  • different
  • increase
  • decrease
  • rise
  • fall
  • outdoor
  • indoor
  • farming
  • industry
  • climate
  • drought
  • save
  • water-saving
  • policy
  • reason
  • pattern
  • chart
  • diagram
  • compare
  • contrast
  • two
  • both
  • overall
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