IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

Currently, an increasing number of teenagers are consuming drugs and liquor and
then
Linking Words
 committing crimes afterwards. I believe that
this
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 is mainly because of the lack of parenting and
easy
Correct article usage
the easy
show examples
 accessibility of those products.
And new
Correct word choice
New
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 laws are needed to solve these problems,
as well as
Linking Words
 other social supports. Indeed, one reason for the growing number of young people who are claimed as criminals under the influence,
such
Linking Words
 as drugs or
alcohol
Use synonyms
, is poor parenting. Many families have conflicts between parents, which is harmful to the mental health of
children
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the divorce procedure could easily hurt those kids at their sensitive age. At
this
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 moment, they are curious and tend to try new things which were forbidden to reach. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
another reason, they easily obtain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs and
alcohol
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 exciting or interesting hormones, but eventually leads to crimes.
For example
Linking Words
, the
rose
Check wording
apply
show examples
number of young pupils who live with a single parent or with grandparents
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
show examples
 illness, and some of them break the law for fun in China. One possible solution to
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and drug abuse in young teens is some necessary legislation. The government should set up new regulations for the divorce agreement and
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clarify with the separated parents that they should keep their kids in a good family environment. Another solution would be to build a long-term social support system to take care of certain
children
Use synonyms
 who have those problems and make sure they are away from those bad influences.
For instance
Linking Words
, some sports clubs should be encouraged to allow those
children
Use synonyms
 to play with others to create positive mindsets. In conclusion, drug and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 abuse bring many health problems in
children
Use synonyms
, both mentally and physically. New laws should be legislated to block their access to those products in order to protect those who are involved in
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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structure
Improve task response by stating a clear view of causes and solutions, and how they connect to laws and help.
content
Add more specific reasons under each cause and show how they lead to crime.
examples
Give more and better examples from real life or data to support points.
language
Use simpler grammar and shorter sentences; fix repeated errors and odd phrases.
idea
There is a clear idea of the topic and a position in the conclusion.
structure
The essay tries to cover both causes and solutions.
content
Some links between family issues and teen choices show thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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