IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that the responsibility for providing education should be borne only by the government and that private education should be banned. What are the main advantages of banning private education? Are there any circumstances ehre private education should be allowed? What is your own opinion on the matter?

In recent years, the question of whether educational institutions should be run solely by the government has been widely debated.
While
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 there are certain circumstances that may justify private
schools
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, I believe that it is better to provide only public
education
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 for all students without discrimination. On the one hand, I agree with those who advocate banning private
schools
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 because
this
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 would bring several advantages. Fairness and equality for students can be achieved through standardised and government-run
education
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, where all students receive the same quality of teaching and access to facilities, preventing wealthier families from gaining an unfair advantage over the disadvantaged groups.
For example
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, a 2023 study in the United States showed that 81% of graduates from elite private
schools
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 obtained high-paying jobs, compared with only 19% of graduates from public
schools
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; the study attributed
this
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 difference largely to the prestige of the private institutions.
Moreover
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, social integration among individuals from different backgrounds can occur when everyone receives the same standard of
education
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.
On the other hand
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, there are certain contexts in which private
education
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 may be justified. Some parents require specialised instruction, including religious
education
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, bilingual schooling, and programmes tailored for gifted groups, which state-funded
schools
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 cannot offer.
For instance
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, many religious women in France cannot attend publicly funded
schools
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 because
such
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schools
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 prohibit girls not only from wearing their veil but
also
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 from practising their religion, which has led to a demand for private
schools
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.
Furthermore
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, if public
schools
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 are poorly managed and produce only narrow-minded people, families will seek private
education
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 that can offer rigorous academics.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are special circumstances that necessitate private
education
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, I am convinced that a system of publicly funded
schools
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 would be far more effective in ensuring both equality and social cohesion.

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coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each idea and link them with simple connect words so the flow is easy to follow.
task
Check the task parts and make sure you give a strong view at the end. Restate your view in the conclusion.
content
Some facts are not very clear or may be wrong. Use safe and true examples, or say the data is from a study you cannot verify.
structure
Keep ideas close to the real issue. Do not add too many sharp claims without support.
grammar
Use short, plain sentences and common words. Check spelling and fix long sentences.
organization
The essay has a clear plan: intro, two sides, and a conclusion.
content
It talks about fairness and equal value for all students.
scope
The writer shows a view from start to end and tries to be balanced.
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