Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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claim that the prevalence of cell phones and computers served as a driving force behind the lack of ability to communicate in person. I totally disagree with
this
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opinion and think that the increased usage of electric devices improves
people
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's
overall
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communication
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skills.
To begin
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with,
due to
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the advancement of technology, individuals were able to communicate through social media.
For instance
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, many
people
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have conversations via social media
such
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as Instagram and Facebook, by sending direct messages or making video calls to each other.
Furthermore
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, they can simply reveal their feeling by leaving short comments on other
people
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's posts so the way
people
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express themselves has become diverse.
Hence
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, it is not true that more and more
people
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lack talking opportunities
due to
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the increasing use of mobile phones and computers.
In addition
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, smartphones and internet sites widen individual perspectives and
thus
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, are beneficial in terms of effective
communication
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. To be specific, these mediums enable individuals to comprehend each other more profoundly. To illustrate, computer users can meet numerous individuals with various personalities, socio-economic backgrounds, and nationalities
while
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searching through the internet.
Therefore
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, they became aware of the diversity of
people
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and cultures.
For instance
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, the emergence of YouTube lets
people
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comprehend other cultures more effectively.
Thus
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,
this
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trend brought advantages in
communication
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skills.
To conclude
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, it is often believed that the increasing use of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
and computers led
people
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to lose the ability to communicate face-to-face.
However
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, I firmly disagree with
this
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statement as I think that using these devices is favourable in cultivating
communication
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skills rather than disadvantageous.
Submitted by aahhyu111 on

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specific examples
Ensure that the examples provided are specific and directly linked to the argument to enhance clarity.
logical structure
Continue to build on your already strong logical structure by exploring each point in further depth, adding even more clarity to your paragraph transitions.
introduction conclusion
You've done a great job with your introduction and conclusion. Consider adding a restating of your thesis in the conclusion to reinforce your stance.
task response
Your essay effectively disagrees with the given statement, providing a clear stance throughout.
coherence
The logical flow of ideas and the clear paragraphing enhance the readability and coherence of the essay.
examples
Use of specific digital platforms as examples (Instagram, Facebook, YouTube) to support your argument is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • interpersonal skills
  • overreliance
  • digital communication platforms
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • social bonds
  • enhance
  • bridging long distances
  • fostering connections
  • age groups
  • adept
  • integrating
  • landscape
  • emotional intelligence
  • nuances
  • striking a balance
  • limitations
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