IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #computers #ability #face
Some
people
 claim that the prevalence of cell phones and computers served as a driving force behind the lack of ability to communicate in person. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion and think that the increased usage of electric devices improves
people
's
overall
communication
 skills.
To begin
 with,
due to
 the advancement of technology, individuals were able to communicate through social media.
For instance
, many
people
 have conversations via social media
such
 as Instagram and Facebook, by sending direct messages or making video calls to each other.
Furthermore
, they can simply reveal their feeling by leaving short comments on other
people
's posts so the way
people
 express themselves has become diverse.
Hence
, it is not true that more and more
people
 lack talking opportunities
due to
 the increasing use of mobile phones and computers.
In addition
, smartphones and internet sites widen individual perspectives and
thus
, are beneficial in terms of effective
communication
. To be specific, these mediums enable individuals to comprehend each other more profoundly. To illustrate, computer users can meet numerous individuals with various personalities, socio-economic backgrounds, and nationalities
while
 searching through the internet.
Therefore
, they became aware of the diversity of
people
 and cultures.
For instance
, the emergence of YouTube lets
people
 comprehend other cultures more effectively.
Thus
,
this
 trend brought advantages in
communication
 skills.
To conclude
, it is often believed that the increasing use of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 and computers led
people
 to lose the ability to communicate face-to-face.
However
, I firmly disagree with
this
 statement as I think that using these devices is favourable in cultivating
communication
 skills rather than disadvantageous.
Submitted by aahhyu111 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

specific examples
Ensure that the examples provided are specific and directly linked to the argument to enhance clarity.
logical structure
Continue to build on your already strong logical structure by exploring each point in further depth, adding even more clarity to your paragraph transitions.
introduction conclusion
You've done a great job with your introduction and conclusion. Consider adding a restating of your thesis in the conclusion to reinforce your stance.
task response
Your essay effectively disagrees with the given statement, providing a clear stance throughout.
coherence
The logical flow of ideas and the clear paragraphing enhance the readability and coherence of the essay.
examples
Use of specific digital platforms as examples (Instagram, Facebook, YouTube) to support your argument is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • interpersonal skills
  • overreliance
  • digital communication platforms
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • social bonds
  • enhance
  • bridging long distances
  • fostering connections
  • age groups
  • adept
  • integrating
  • landscape
  • emotional intelligence
  • nuances
  • striking a balance
  • limitations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: