IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people say that the most effective way to deal with crime is to give longer prison sentences. However, others think there are better ways to do so. Consider both arguments and present your viewpoint.

In today’s
society
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, many people believe that the best way to deal with
crime
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 is to give harsher
prison
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sentences
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,
while
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 others think that there are better ways to do it.
Although
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 both views hold merit,
this
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 essay will discuss both sides before showing my opinions. On the one hand, it is true that the person who has committed the
crime
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 needs to go to
prison
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. The time that they spend in jail can make them fear the loss of freedom, which can reduce the proportion of criminals.
Furthermore
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, extended incarceration of dangerous criminals
also
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 protects ordinary residents and makes them feel safe. The family victims may feel that longer
sentences
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 are fair and reflect the seriousness of crimes.
For instance
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, the countries that emphasise longer
prison
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sentences
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,
such
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 as Norway, have lower reoffending rates. Prisoners who have stayed in
prison
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 a long time after release should be given opportunities to reintegrate into
society
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.
On the other hand
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, there are better ways to deal with crimes. The government needs to give some strategies to tackle the roots of criminal behavior through economic and educational reform. Many
offenses
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offences
show examples
 start with financial issues, poverty, and unemployment. By developing education, the government can reduce joblessness and provide financial support for struggling people.
Moreover
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, education plays a crucial role in developing personalities from an early age. Studies have shown that people who have a strong educational foundation experience lower rates of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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. In conclusion,
while
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 may help deter
crime
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 and protect
society
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 in the short term, I believe that addressing the root causes through education and social reform is a more sustainable solution. By investing in rehabilitation and preventive measures, governments can not only lower
crime
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 rates but
also
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 help offenders reintegrate into
society
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 and become responsible citizens.

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task response
Your essay has a good plan and you give both sides and your view. Keep this. Make the main point in the first paragraph more clear.
task response
Add more evidence to back up each big idea. Give one or two more facts or details that the reader can see.
content
Be careful with facts. The note about Norway needs a clear link to the idea or a change of example.
coherence
Use more link words to show how ideas connect, like 'also', 'in addition', 'however', 'therefore'.
coherence
Break long sentences in two to help reading. Keep paragraphs to one main idea each.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has one clear idea and a sentence that wraps it up.
structure
Clear view on the topic with both sides shown.
structure
Logical order: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
style
Good use of signposts: 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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