Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

this

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modern era, a number of school children spend numerous hours on technological devices

such

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as smartphones.

This

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phenomenon stems from technological development and social media addiction. Even though

this

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situation seems beneficial for their well-being, I believe that

this

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trend is rather negative because of health risks and loss of precious time to study.

To begin

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with, there are several reasons why they spend a lot of time on their phones.

Firstly

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, using phones is inextricably linked with their lives, including in

private

Correct pronoun usage

their private

show examples

lives and even in school. These youngsters need to possess the devices so that they can communicate with their friends and parents,

as well as

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occasionally search for things mentioned in classes when their teachers allow them to look them up.

Secondly

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, social media is

also

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a huge contributor to the use of the Internet. Owing to the proliferation and the algorithm of social media, it became a place where they can not only express themselves, but

also

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seek their interests and stimulation, which are less available in their daily lives,

such

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as taking a look at their favourite idols and sharing their interests with their friends. Turning to the disadvantages of

this

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development, one of them is health issues. Excessive exposure to the Internet can negatively affect their physical and mental problems ,

such

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as obesity and anxiety.

This

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is because it can prevent them from playing outside and contacting other people in the real world. Another is that being on a phone every day might discourage them from studying, because it is

such

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an addiction that it is difficult for them to decide when to quit and start studying. To illustrate

this

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according to

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a recent study, the average score for the entrance exam of Osaka University in 2020 was lower than that of 2010, with a 15% gap. In conclusion, the usage of smartphones is pivotal for young generations , and it is inevitable for them to use the gadgets as a measure

for

Change preposition

show examples

communication and for leisure time. I think that

this

Linking Words

is a negative development since it may harm their bodies and can hinder their academic success.

ryoji779

Sep 7, 2025

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task response

Be clear on your view from the start. State if using phones a lot is good or bad.

task response

Give two or three strong ideas and back them with a clear example.

language

Use simple, common words and short sentences.

coherence

Link ideas with easy transitions like 'also', 'but', 'for example'.

structure

Make each paragraph fit one idea. Use a clear flow from one idea to the next.

examples

Check facts and be sure the example fits what you say.

stance

You show a clear view against the topic.

organization

There is good paragraph structure: intro, body, and conclusion.

evidence

You try to give a fact to back a point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The Internet has transformed lives and economies, but it is turning the world into a global village. Soon everybody will think and behave in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage from using their cars?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to five all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?