IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

The technology has evolved the way knowledge is gained and transferred among individuals.
Besides
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,
transformation
Correct article usage
the transformation
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,
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has given
the
Correct article usage
apply
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birth to unseen problems. In
this
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 essay, I will shed
the
Correct article usage
apply
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light
upon
Change preposition
on
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 some of
serious
Correct article usage
the serious
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 issues the internet brings to our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and will give some appropriate mitigation techniques as well.
To begin
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, the world of the internet has changed the traditions of knowledge consumption and sharing. Nowadays, we
all are
Correct word order
are all
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 using social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram and WhatsApp to share useful information.
This
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 approach
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however
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, however
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,
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 some severe problems in our
life
Use synonyms
 as well. First and foremost,
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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 the breach of privacy. As we all know,
Correct article usage
the interent
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interent
Correct your spelling
internet
 basically
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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 no privacy, and
date
Use the right word
data
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 breaching is a common problem
,
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apply
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 every company face these days.
For instance
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, in 2019, Zoom faced a
date
Use the right word
data
show examples
 breach of around 150 million
peoples
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people
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leading
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, leading
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 to a leak of
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
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 bank cards and personal information.
Furthermore
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, the other major issue is less physical interaction. Nowadays, everyone communicates virtually, and
sense
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the sense
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 of unity
,
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apply
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 and cooperation in society is decreasing.
Nevertheless
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, as
saying
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the saying
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 goes, every problem has a solution
and
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, and
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 there
exists
Verb problem
are
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 some steps to
minimize
Use the right word
minimise
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 the roots of unseen problems, the digital world brings
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In order to tackle the issue of
data
Use synonyms
breach
Fix the agreement mistake
breaches
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, companies should impose proper security measures.
For example
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, there exist
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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data
Use synonyms
 encryption algorithms
,
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apply
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 that ensure privacy and integrity of
data
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, the community should focus on physical interaction
and
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, and
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 there should be some local events at
end
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the end
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 of each month.
For example
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, for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of physical gatherings, there used to be a qawwali night in our university every two months. Based on the above arguments, I conclude
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that by using appropriate techniques, like
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
data
Use synonyms
protections measure
Fix the agreement mistake
protection measures
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, we can overcome unseen issues, the digital world brings
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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structure
Plan the essay with a clear flow: start with a brief intro, then list problems, then give solutions, and finish with a short conclusion.
facts
Use only simple facts and check numbers or dates before you write them.
content
Explain each idea with a bit more detail. For example, how data breach harms people, not just companies.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas, for example: First, Also, In addition, However, For example, Finally.
content
The essay has a clear topic and asks for the main problems and solutions.
structure
There is an intro, body, and a conclusion which shows good form.
content
Examples are used to illustrate points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • internet
  • information
  • problems
  • privacy
  • personal
  • data
  • misused
  • laws
  • protect
  • educated
  • cyberbullying
  • teenagers
  • emotional
  • schools
  • parents
  • teach
  • children
  • support
  • misinformation
  • false
  • confusion
  • fear
  • responsibility
  • fact-check
  • control
  • critically
  • analyze
  • addiction
  • mental health
  • issues
  • relationships
  • limits
  • screen time
  • promoting
  • activities
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: