IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding feom the Government in order

Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
governments
Use synonyms
 should provide financial
support
Use synonyms
 to
artists
Use synonyms
, as they often struggle to earn a stable income. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because funding
artists
Use synonyms
 not only preserves cultural heritage but
also
Linking Words
 encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to engage in the arts sector.
Firstly
Linking Words
, providing extra funding is highly beneficial for
artists
Use synonyms
. In most cases, they cannot earn as much as businesspeople or other professionals, which often forces them to live below the poverty line.
As a result
Linking Words
, many abandon their careers and lose their creativity. If
governments
Use synonyms
support
Use synonyms
 them financially,
however
Linking Words
,
artists
Use synonyms
 would feel motivated to continue their work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
artists
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in protecting cultural traditions.
For example
Linking Words
, without the
artists
Use synonyms
 of the past, we would not have access to valuable knowledge about history and heritage.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasing their income not only helps
artists
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 contributes to preserving culture.
Secondly
Linking Words
, government
support
Use synonyms
 would encourage more young
people
Use synonyms
 to enter the arts sector.
This
Linking Words
 could reduce unemployment
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 bringing new creativity from the younger generation. In some cases, talented
artists
Use synonyms
 may even participate in international programmes, which would enhance the country’s global reputation.
Thus
Linking Words
, by providing financial
support
Use synonyms
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can inspire a new generation of
artists
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 addressing social and economic issues. In conclusion, providing financial assistance to
artists
Use synonyms
 would not only
support
Use synonyms
 their livelihood but
also
Linking Words
 preserve cultural traditions and inspire more
people
Use synonyms
 to pursue careers in the arts.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 should allocate additional funding to ensure that art continues to thrive for future generations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Add more concrete examples to back each main point.
style
Make some shorter sentences to help flow.
structure
Link each point back to the main claim with a clear sentence.
strength
Clear stance and good use of linking words like firstly, secondly, therefore.
strength
Overall plan is easy to follow with introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: