IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that cigarette smoking has had a negative impact for far too long and the only solution to end it is to make cigarettes illegal worldwide. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Cigarette
Use synonyms
 smoking has caused serious
health
Use synonyms
 problems worldwide
has
Correct word choice
and has
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 a big and serious topic now.
Use synonyms
Cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
Cigarettes
show examples
 as a product not only bring a big
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 income to the
world
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
health
Verb problem
raise health
show examples
 awareness.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to talk about
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
making
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 illegal worldwide
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 only solution to end the negative impacts. First of all, the advocates explained that smoking
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 can lead to different
health
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
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 cancer, heart attack and mental
health
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 illness. Nicotine, the chemical in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cigarette
Use synonyms
 which lead
peole
Correct your spelling
people
have
Verb problem
to become
show examples
addiction
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the heart rate and
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's thinking change rapidly. At
this
Linking Words
 point, the advocates, some of the scholars and
politicans
Correct your spelling
politicians
 suggest that we should ban
th
Correct your spelling
the
cigarette
Use synonyms
 worldwide for
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 disagree
to forbidden
Change preposition
with forbidding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 worldwide because it can
make big
Verb problem
bring in a significant
show examples
 economic income. Numerous of smokers in the
world
Use synonyms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a large demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
. Uncountable companies gain profits from producing or selling
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
that cigarette
show examples
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 as a product is already a really big part of the market. Making
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 illegal
worlwide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
 would lead to a big loss to the
world
Use synonyms
. In my point of view, I agree
making
Correct word choice
that making
show examples
 cigarettes
ilegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 worldwide is the only solution. It is because
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause too many
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Not only for the
health
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all the
people
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
, smokers, non-smokers,
cigararette
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 should be
fobidden
Correct your spelling
forbidden
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the economic loss of the medical might not be covered with the profit of producing and selling
Use synonyms
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
.

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weakness
You state a view but don’t give a strong case or enough proof.
tip
Link ideas with clear, simple words and group ideas in a plan.
tip
There are many spelling and grammar errors that make the text hard to read.
tip
Use short, plain words and short sentences.
tip
Make a plan: intro, 2 body parts, short end, and keep close to one idea per paragraph.
strength
The view on the issue is clear.
strength
Health examples like cancer and heart attack are used.
strength
The essay tries to talk about both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health hazards
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • addictive nature
  • perpetuating
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • financial burden
  • healthcare systems
  • astronomical
  • prohibition
  • prevalence
  • underage smoking
  • black markets
  • control and safety regulations
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • smoking cessation programs
  • e-cigarettes
  • vaping
  • harm reduction
  • gateway effects
What to do next:
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