IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that cigarette smoking has had a negative impact for far too long and the only solution to end it is to make cigarettes illegal worldwide. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The popularity of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cigarette smoking has immensely increased,
due to
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 which many individuals believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that it should be forbidden.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 view, because of the serious health issues caused by smoking, and
also
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to mention
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mentions
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,
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apply
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 its risk to
the
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apply
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public safety. To commence with, smoking exposes a person to the danger of serious health diseases,
such
Linking Words
 a cancer, etc. It is
also
Linking Words
 a leading cause of death,
due to
Linking Words
 heart attack and cardiac arrest, among people, especially the youngsters.
Moreover
Linking Words
smoking
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, smoking
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 not only affects the smoker, but
also
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 the people around them, because they come in contact with the smoke, and
hence
Linking Words
 it makes them
the
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passive smokers.
Therefore
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, smoking
is
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not only
affecting
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affects
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 one individual, but
whole
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a whole
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 bunch of individuals
,
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 who
,
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 stay in close proximity
of
Change preposition
to
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 a smoker.
For instance
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, Emphysema, a serious lung sickness, which is commonly seen in chain smokers, was
also
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diagonosed
Correct your spelling
diagnosed
 in family members of smokers, who
,
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apply
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 never touched a cigarette in their entire life.
Secondly
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,
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
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 should be banned
keeping
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, keeping
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 in mind the safety of
general
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the general
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 public. Nicotine, the main
content
Check wording
ingredient
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 of a fag, is a very habit-forming chemical.
Hence
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, when a person does not get a puff, they get irritable and rebellious, and are more likely to cause domestic or public chaos.
Such
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 persons are more prone to commit crimes, driven by their addiction.
For example
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, in India, there was an incident reported, where
,
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apply
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 a teenage boy
publically
Replace the word
publicly
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 killed a man, because the latter stopped him from smoking in
the
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a
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 public area. Conclusively, I reaffirm my point
,
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apply
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 that cigarettes definitely should be banned by the government, because
it
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they
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causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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 serious health hazards as cancer, heart attack,etc.
Furthermore
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, the addiction may
also
Linking Words
 force a person to
committ
Correct your spelling
commit
 crimes, and poses a risk to the safety of
common
Correct article usage
the common
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 masses.

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task response
Be clear on your view from the start and stay with it.
task response
Add more ideas and real examples to back your view.
coherence
Use order in your essay: intro, then point 1, point 2, then a short ending.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas with a small tie.
content
The writer shows a clear choice.
structure
There is a plan of intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
There are some linking words to move ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health hazards
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • addictive nature
  • perpetuating
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • financial burden
  • healthcare systems
  • astronomical
  • prohibition
  • prevalence
  • underage smoking
  • black markets
  • control and safety regulations
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • smoking cessation programs
  • e-cigarettes
  • vaping
  • harm reduction
  • gateway effects
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