IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people decide to leave their jobs in order to pursue further education. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Education
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 and skills are fundamental for career advancement, and in recent years, it has become increasingly common for
individuals
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 to leave their jobs to pursue
further
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 studies.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend offers some professional benefits,
such
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 as acquiring certifications and enhancing expertise, I would argue that its disadvantages, particularly financial instability and professional disruption, outweigh the potential advantages. One key advantage of taking a career break for educational purposes is the opportunity to engage in focused and immersive learning. Many professions, especially in the IT sector, demand constant upskilling and updated certifications to remain competitive in a rapidly evolving job market.
For instance
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, a computer engineer may not be considered fully qualified without obtaining a professional certificate
such
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 as the CCNA. Pursuing
education
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 full-time allows
individuals
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 to dedicate sufficient time and mental energy to mastering these demanding requirements, thereby increasing their chances of becoming stronger candidates in the workforce. Despite these benefits, the drawbacks are more compelling. The most significant issue is financial instability, as leaving a stable income often places
individuals
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 under immense stress and anxiety, which can distract from academic success.
Moreover
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,
while
Linking Words
 younger employees may find it easier to pause their careers for
education
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, older professionals often encounter serious obstacles. They may struggle with the technological skills required for online courses and, more importantly, face difficulties re-entering the job market
due to
Linking Words
 age discrimination or a perceived gap in professional experience.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these setbacks can undermine the very goals that
further
Linking Words
education
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 was intended to achieve. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a temporary withdrawal from the workforce to pursue
education
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 can provide valuable opportunities for skill enhancement and career development, the negative outcomes
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as financial hardship and professional disruption
—
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,
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are far more serious.
Therefore
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,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 path may benefit certain
individuals
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, in most cases
the
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, the
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 disadvantages outweigh the advantages, and people should carefully evaluate the risks before making
such
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 a significant decision.

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task response
Make more clear the good and bad side. Give more facts from other jobs too, not only IT.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and end with a short wrap up.
coherence
Link words help. Use more words to show order and cause, but keep them simple.
lexical
Use easier word choice. Some words like 'immersion' or 'upskilling' may be hard. Use 'deep work' or 'new skill' instead.
grammar
Watch spell and form. Good grammar, but keep commas simple and proof read.
task response
Give more real example from other fields, not just IT, to show the wider view.
structure
Clear position and good structure.
coherence
Good linking words and flow.
content
Cite a clear example (CCNA).

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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