Many people today choose to take part in extreme sports (e.g. skydiving, rock climbing). Why do you think people want to do these sports? Who do you think should pay if people injure themselves while doing an extreme sport? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
day and age, a
lot
of people choose to take part in extreme sports
such
as: skydiving, rock climbing, diving etc. The biggest advantage in
this
case would be the fact that people, since started living normally, without any natural danger like cold weather, diseases, being hungry or predators, forgot what
it’s
like to be under pressure.
On the other hand
there are plenty of problems that should be discussed,
such
as: humans never know how they will react to different, extreme situations. An advantage and the biggest reason why a
lot
of persons still love
this
kind of activities is because they want to feel adrenaline and some sort of freedom. In my opinion
it’s
nice to skydive or climb a mountain, but only in the case if all safety measures are observed. There are a
lot
of dangerous activities in the world, but it is better if you know the limit. There are a
lot
of sports that are less dangerous but still, offer you adrenaline,
such
as: Boxing, skiing, surfing etc. The obvious disadvantage of of
this
is for sure your health, because u can’t buy it if you are doing a wrong step. From another perspective if people injure themselves
while
doing extreme sports,
it’s
only their fault that something specifically happened, but if
this
was the responsibility of the company that
for example
provided you the idea and it was their equipment that didn’t work well,
then
it’s
their problem and they should pay for the consequences. In my opinion, always know your limit and take care of yourself before doing something extreme, because health is the most important thing that we have in our lives, think twice before doing something.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by connecting your ideas with linking phrases, making your argument flow more naturally.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your main points, particularly drawn from experience or widely known situations.
task achievement
Try to expand on some of your ideas. For example, discuss in more detail why people seek adrenaline or how companies can ensure safety.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a straightforward structure.
task achievement
You touched on both the thrill and risks associated with extreme sports, maintaining a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your acknowledgment of responsibility when discussing injuries is well reasoned and adds depth to the discussion.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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