some people say that advertising is extremely successful at presuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so commen that we no longer pay attetion to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Whether or not advertising has lost its lure
due to
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its ubiquity is a debatable matter.
While
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some still adhere to the belief that it is the main source of
presuasion
Correct your spelling
persuasion
when buying items, others and I believe that it no longer possesses its primal charm. Some individuals state that advertisement is one of the initial mediums for enticing people into shops.
Additionally
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, it is widely considered to be the most popular
mean
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means
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of declaring seasonal sales
,
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apply
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and giving out special offers.
Furthermore
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, one other asset of the
contemprory
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contemporary
commercials
,
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apply
show examples
is the performing cast they hire which usually consists of celebrities and social figures who have a huge impact on the audience;
therefore
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, luring them into buying the products that they might not necessarily need. Take Calvin Klein as an example;
this
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fashion brand managed to gain a tremendous
raise
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rise
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in customers by only adding Haily Bieber
into
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to
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its line of brand ambassadors.
On the other hand
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,
as a result
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of technology
prevalances
Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevalences
, people are getting exhausted by the full-time bombard of offers; both online and in reality.
Consequantly
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Consequently
, they would not pay attention to the pop-up windows or the brochures they
recieve
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receive
in the street even if they could really benefit from the presented goods.
This
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overload of information
deminished
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diminished
customers' power to choose among too many variable options. A recent study demonstrates that, nowadays, the number of people who purchase through ads
are
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is
show examples
not even
one third
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one-third
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of the total viewers. In a nutshell,
although
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advertising is considered to be of
a
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apply
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high importance when manipulating the public to desire an item, many others insist that it is an
out-dated
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outdated
show examples
method
due to
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its
commenness
Correct your spelling
commonness
. I stand with the second group because of the reasons that were elaborated in
this
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essay.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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Detailed Examples
Ensure all paragraphs are fully developed with clear, specific supporting examples. While the Calvin Klein example is good, adding more detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
Spelling/Grammar
Watch out for spelling and grammatical errors ('presuasion' should be 'persuasion', 'contemprory' should be 'contemporary', 'commeonness' should be 'commonness', 'recieve' should be 'receive'). These small mistakes can distract from your argument.
Sentence Structure
Try to vary your sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to your writing. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Task Response
You've done well in discussing both viewpoints comprehensively and giving your own opinion, which is aligned with the task requirements.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
The logical flow of ideas from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion shows good coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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