IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 support that the
government
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 should use money for the
arts
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,
while
Linking Words
some other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
argue that the funds should be
supported
Verb problem
used
show examples
 for public
health
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 and
education
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. In my opinion, I fully agree with investing in healthcare and
education
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. The
government
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 should
subsidize
Change the spelling
subsidise
show examples
 the
arts
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
because
Punctuation problem
because,
show examples
 as
people
Use synonyms
's living standards improve, they pursue more artistic activities to enhance their sense of happiness.
For instance
Linking Words
, I once visited the Beijing Museum and wanted to appreciate various
arts
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, but the number of visitors exceeded my expectations. If I want to visit the museum, I need to make an appointment at least 3 days in advance. Even if I arrive at the venue, I have to prepare for queuing, which makes me feel exhausted.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 can fund these
arts
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,
people
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 can have a better experience and improve their sense of happiness. The
government
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 should invest in public
health
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 and
education
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. The current shortage of medical and educational resources in society has caused widespread anxiety among
people
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. If the
government
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 can provide funding for basic medical and educational security,
people
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 can rest assured.
For example
Linking Words
, Public schools and hospitals established with
government
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 funding can provide
people
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 with basic healthcare and
education
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. And
people
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's
education
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 and treatment rates can be used as assessment criteria for local governments, which can guarantee
people
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's rights to survival and development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the basic medical
education
Use synonyms
 provided by the
government
Use synonyms
 can improve
people
Use synonyms
's sense of happiness. My opinion is that the
government
Use synonyms
 should
subsidize
Change the spelling
subsidise
show examples
 public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
government
Use synonyms
 budget is limited and should provide maximum protection for
people
Use synonyms
, with
health
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 and
education
Use synonyms
 being the foundation for ensuring human development. In real life, if a person is not healthy, they cannot do other things. If a person has not received
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education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
, they are easily ignorant.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am more supportive of the
government
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 providing
people
Use synonyms
 with medical and educational security. In conclusion, some
people
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 argue with others about whether the
government
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 should fund art or public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, public
health
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 and
education
Use synonyms
 are more worthy of
government
Use synonyms
 funding.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give your opinion, so this is good. But some ideas are not fully developed. Try to explain more clearly why art is important for all people, not only for museum visitors.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant, but they are a bit narrow. Add one more clear and real example for health or education to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear paragraph plan: introduction, two body parts, opinion, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is too simple or repeated, like 'therefore' and 'this is because'. Try to use a wider range of clear linkers, but use them only when needed.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences do not connect very smoothly. Make sure each sentence clearly grows from the one before it.
task response
You discuss both views and you give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic and does not go off track.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the structure is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ ยป- a book that's free for ๐Ÿš€ Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public health
  • education system
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • quality of life
  • essential services
  • community engagement
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • public funding
  • balanced budget
  • investment in arts
What to do next:
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