IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Recently, there has been intense discussion about how
government
Use synonyms
 funds should be allocated. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
such
Linking Words
 funding should be devoted to the
development
Use synonyms
 of the
arts
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others argue that the money should be spent on public healthcare and
education
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it is more necessary for the
government
Use synonyms
 to invest
public
Change preposition
in public
show examples
 services rather than the
arts
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, the advancement of public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 is closely influenced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 our daily
lives
Use synonyms
. Everyone will be affected by public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 services.
we
Fix capitalization
We
show examples
 mostly fall ill and receive
education
Use synonyms
, so the quality of services provided by the
government
Use synonyms
 directly affects our daily
lives
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 does not invest enough in
education
Use synonyms
, children may not have the opportunity to enjoy high-quality courses to explore their potential.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 will bring benefits to everyone.
what
Fix capitalization
What
show examples
 is more, the
development
Use synonyms
 of public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 can affect the progress of a country. Good
health
Use synonyms
 and a high-level
education
Use synonyms
 are the basis of the
development
Use synonyms
 of a nation. The
development
Use synonyms
 of the
arts
Use synonyms
 enriches
people
Use synonyms
’s daily
lives
Use synonyms
. With financial support from the
government
Use synonyms
, more artistic events can be achieved, providing citizens with additional
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 for leisure.
For example
Linking Words
, with the help of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, many art events can be free for
people
Use synonyms
 to participate.
This
Linking Words
 actually enriches
people
Use synonyms
’s daily
lives
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, art is not popular
everyone
Change preposition
with everyone
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, few
people
Use synonyms
 are truly interested in abstract paintings and boring dramas.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 are issues that most
people
Use synonyms
 cannot avoid.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
development
Use synonyms
 of the
arts
Use synonyms
 would not significantly improve
people
Use synonyms
’s
lives
Use synonyms
 compared with the importance of
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is unwise to invest
art
Change preposition
in art
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and healthcare.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Open with a short plan. Say what you will talk about and your view.
task response
Give more proof for each idea. Use one clear example per point.
coherence
Link ideas in a smooth way. Use words like also, but, however, for example.
grammar
Fix small errors in writing to help the meaning be clear.
strength
The writer shows a clear view and has two sides.
strength
A few good examples are used.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public health
  • education system
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • quality of life
  • essential services
  • community engagement
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • public funding
  • balanced budget
  • investment in arts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: