IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Older people often choose to spend their money on themselves (e.g., on holiday) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 get mad with their
parents
Use synonyms
 because once
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 get old,
instead
Linking Words
 of saving
Use synonyms
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
 for their children, they prefer to spend
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 all, to do what they want to do. So
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
 they don't have
Use synonyms
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
 for their children.
This
Linking Words
 is a common thought, in fact, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 think that their
parents
Use synonyms
 have to save
Use synonyms
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
 for them
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for their future. The main problem of
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 mistaken thought
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is the fact that in
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can't become adults, because they will never get
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
, which
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
very important thing, because it helps us to grow. As you could probably see from the second
paragraph
Punctuation problem
paragraph,
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 I do not like
people
Use synonyms
 who think that their
parents
Use synonyms
 have to give them money and, especially
that
Punctuation problem
, that
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 they have to save their money, for which they have worked their entire life, so in
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
 their child is able to travel or to buy
an
Correct article usage
a
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 house. I think that our
parents
Use synonyms
, if
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they have the possibility they would help us
also
Linking Words
 once retired. But, I still don't like it, in fact I think that once we are adults we have to behave like adults and
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stop asking
Use synonyms
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
 to mum and dad. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I think that even if a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 keep asking
Use synonyms
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
, we should not behave in that
way
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we should work hard and gain our money, so in
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
 we will be much more
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
.

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task response
Task response: you do not make a clear view. Say if the idea is good or bad from the start and keep this view in the essay.
ideas
Ideas: add two or three clear reasons. give small details or simple examples to back them.
coherence
Coherence: plan the work. Use clear paragraphs: intro, body, and conclusion. use linking words such as 'and', 'but', 'also' to tie ideas.
structure
Structure: use four parts: intro with your view, body with two ideas and reasons, and a small closing line.
grammar
Grammar: fix easy mistakes. watch word form: 'money' not 'moneys', 'independent' not 'indipendent'. keep simple tense.
strength
The topic is clear and you show your own view.
strength
There is a simple line of thought about being independent and not to ask for money.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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