IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advanced technology has brought many beneficial changes to the world. However, some old people today struggle with the use of technologies such as mobile phones and the Internet. How can the elderly benefit from using advanced technologies? How can the elderly be encouraged to use consumer electronics more often

Nowadays,
smartphones
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 and the
internet
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 bring lots of convenience to most
people
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, except
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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.
However
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, these technologies can help
the
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apply
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older
people
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 retain their
memories
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. We should encourage them to
use
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 mobile
phones
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 and the
internet
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 throughout our demonstration of the photo function. The main reason is that we should encourage
seniors
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 to
use
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 mobile
phones
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 and the
internet
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 because digital tools can aid their
memory
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. As
people
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 age,
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memory
Correct pronoun usage
their memory
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 often deteriorates, making it difficult for them to recall past
memories
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 or remember daily necessities like the way home.
This
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 can lead to serious social issues.
Smartphones
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 and the
internet
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 enable them to record events in real time or
use
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 search functions to retrieve forgotten information and
memories
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.
For instance
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, recent studies indicate that over 60% of
seniors
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 with
memory
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 difficulties have used their
phones
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 to retrieve forgotten information, alleviating anxiety caused by forgetfulness.
While
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 we can explain to
seniors
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 that
smartphones
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 and the
internet
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 can help them preserve many
memories
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,
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 them to
use
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 these devices. Demonstrating how to
use
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 a phone to photograph daily routes, record shopping lists online, and document visited locations with photos and text online enables those with declining
memory
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 to recall past events through their
phones
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 and the
internet
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.
This
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 significantly reduces the sense of loss and inconvenience caused by forgetfulness. We believe
this
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 approach will significantly increase
seniors
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' willingness to adopt
smartphones
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 and
internet
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 technology.
To sum up
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, the reason why mobile
phones
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 and the
internet
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 can bring lots of benefits for old
people
Use synonyms
 is that these technologies can help them remember anything they have forgotten. I believe that we can show the photo on mobile
phones
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 or the
internet
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 to them, and
telling
Wrong verb form
tell
show examples
 them the photo can help their ability to remember. It will significantly increase their willingness to
use
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 these technologies.

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structure
Make a clear plan for the essay with a short intro, 2 or 3 big points in the body, and a short end.
content
Add one or two real steps to show how old people can use the phone or internet, with simple examples like save a name, make a call, or keep a list.
content
Check facts. If you use facts, say 'a study shows' and avoid exact numbers unless you can prove them.
vocabulary
Use short and simple words. Keep long sentences short. Use 'you', 'we', 'they' and easy verbs like help, show, do.
content
The topic is clear: it shows how tech can help old people.
structure
There is a plan to show how to use memory tools like photos and lists.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial changes
  • struggle with
  • mobile phones
  • the Internet
  • improved communication
  • social media
  • messaging apps
  • isolation
  • emotional well-being
  • access to information
  • health-related articles
  • informed decisions
  • current events
  • health monitoring
  • wearable devices
  • medication schedules
  • caregivers
  • emergencies
  • health outcomes
  • peace of mind
  • online services
  • convenience
  • independence
  • physical outings
  • hobbies
  • online tutorials
  • communities
  • creativity
  • active minds
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