IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more houses are needed to cope with rapidly increasing populations. Some people think that it is better to build houses in existing towns and cities, while others believe that it is better to build houses and develop new towns in rural areas. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today’s world, population growth is putting pressure on housing in many countries. Some
people
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 believe that it is better to build new homes within existing
towns
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 and
cities
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,
while
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 others argue that building houses in rural
areas
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 and developing new
towns
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 is a better solution.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I believe that expanding into rural
areas
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 can offer more long-term benefits. In my opinion, a balanced development plan is essential to meet future needs. Those who support building houses in existing urban
areas
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 believe it is more practical and sustainable.
For example
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,
cities
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 already have roads, public transportation, schools, and hospitals, which makes it easier and cheaper to build and live there.
This
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 approach
also
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 reduces the need to destroy natural land.
As a result
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, expanding within current
cities
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 can help reduce urban sprawl and protect the environment.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 believe that developing new
towns
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 in rural
areas
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 is necessary
due to
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 the limited space in
cities
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.
For instance
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, rural land is often cheaper and more available, allowing for larger and more comfortable homes.
In addition
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, creating new
towns
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 can reduce overcrowding in
cities
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 and provide
people
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 with a better quality of life.
Therefore
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, spreading development to rural
areas
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 can support future population growth in a more balanced way. In conclusion,
while
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 building in
cities
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 uses existing resources and infrastructure, I believe that developing rural
areas
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 is a better solution for long-term population growth. With careful planning, new
towns
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 can be designed to include all necessary services and offer
people
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 more space and better living conditions.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, you could be more explicit about your own opinion in the introduction to guide the reader better.
task achievement
Make sure each main point in your body paragraphs relates back to your opinion clearly and the examples provided need to be more specific to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good logical flow, but try to use more linking words to improve the connection between sentences and ideas, which will enhance the coherence.
coherence and cohesion
You concluded your essay well. Make sure to summarize your main points in the conclusion clearly to remind the reader of your main arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is important for this type of task.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is good with distinct paragraphs for each idea, which helps in organizing your thoughts clearly.
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