IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

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During the
last
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 few years, having a private car has been highly popular and it is regarded as a symbol of good prosperity.
As a result
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, the number of
cars
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 is increasing day by day which poses several problems. To my mind,
however
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,
this
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 fever plays a vital role in creating heavy
traffic
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 in urban; but it is not the only defining factor.
Also
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, I assume decreasing the cost of public
transportation
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 could significantly reduce the usage of private
cars
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.
Firstly
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, obviously rocketing the number of
cars
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 accounts for boosting the statistics of bumper-to-bumper
traffic
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 all around the globe mostly in megacities;
Whereas
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,
cars
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 are not the only logic. In some areas, the other reasons namely inappropriate roads, high concentration of markets in some regions and unavailability of good public conveyance are responsible for it, especially during rush hours. So, it can be said that car congestion is not exclusively
due to
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 increasing the use of private
cars
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. Regarding the solution, the best action that can be done by governments is to develop the state of various public
transportation
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 systems. In more detail, the number of buses, the routes they take and the price are imperative parameters
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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associated with the popularity of
this
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 method of
transportation
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.
Although
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, decreasing the cost sounds illogical at first glance, has the potential to bring numerous benefits to governments.
That is
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 because it heavily limits the
traffic
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 jams in metropolises;
moreover
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, it is more eco-friendly. In conclusion, I admit
while
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 enthusiasm about purchasing private
cars
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 leads to an upturn in the
traffic
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 rate,
cars
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 are the only main reason for
this
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 phenomenon.
Furthermore
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, governments possess the ability to solve
this
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 issue by making public
transportation
Use synonyms
 status better.

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task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task. The essay addresses the issue of car ownership and its effects on traffic jams, but the measures governments can take are not fully explored, with a focus mainly on the cost of public transportation without considering other methods.
task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout your response. Although the introduction presents a clear thesis, the body paragraphs should consistently reflect this position for task achievement.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your ideas. Your essay mentions general solutions and problems but including specific examples and data could strengthen the argument and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically and use linking words appropriately. While the essay has an overall logical structure, some ideas seem disjointed. Transitions between ideas could be improved for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Write a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction could more directly address the essay prompt, and the conclusion should neatly summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a main idea supported by explanations or examples. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be more effectively separated and developed.
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