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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, fashion is becoming more and more important to young people. Some people think this has negative impacts on young people and on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, clothing plays a crucial role in young
people
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's lives. Some
people
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 believe that
this
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 trend has harmful consequences,
while
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 others think that it has many benefits. From my point of view, both sides have their own advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, it is true that
fashion
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 can create unnecessary
pressure
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 among young
people
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. Nowadays, many young
people
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 use social media platforms
such
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 as TikTok and Instagram, where there are a lot of influencers. First of all, it is true that
fashion
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 can create unnecessary
pressure
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 among young
people
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. Nowadays, many young
people
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 use social media platforms
such
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 as TikTok and Instagram, where there are a lot of influencers. They introduce products
such
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 as new bags, shoes, and clothes, and most of these items belong to luxury brands.
For instance
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, a teenager who constantly follows
fashion
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 influencers may feel
pressure
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 to buy the latest sneakers or designer clothes.
This
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 situation can increase stress, lower self-esteem, and even cause financial problems if they try to buy expensive items just to fit in.
On the other hand
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,
fashion
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also
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 allows self-expression and creativity.
For example
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, some young
people
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 combine different styles to create a unique appearance, which increases their self-confidence.
Also
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, purchasing clothes and accessories not only supports textile companies but
also
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 provides employment for thousands of workers.
Therefore
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,
fashion
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 should not only be seen as a negative trend but
also
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 as a way to encourage creativity and keep the economy alive.
To sum up
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,
fashion
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 has both drawbacks and benefits for young
people
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 and society.
While
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 it can create
pressure
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 and financial difficulties for teenagers, it
also
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 allows self-expression and keeps the textile industry alive.
Therefore
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, I believe that the influence of
fashion
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 should be seen as balanced, and young
people
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 should learn how to follow trends without losing control over their financial and personal well-being.

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task
Be clear at the start. State your view in one line.
cohesion
Do not repeat the same ideas or sentences. Remove repeated phrasing.
content
Give one strong example for each point and connect it to the idea.
grammar
Keep sentences short. Use simple grammar and proper punctuation.
cohesion
Use linking words to show contrast and balance.
structure
End with a strong closing sentence that restates your view.
balance
The essay shows a balanced view by noting both sides.
organization
Clear structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Good use of examples from social media to support points.
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