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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some schools leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do the advantages of this for their study outweigh the disadvantages?

It is becoming increasingly common for high school graduates to take a gap year in order to travel or gain work experience before entering
university
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.
While
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 there are certain drawbacks to postponing higher education, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because
this
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 period can provide both practical skills and personal growth. On the one hand, delaying
university
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 has some disadvantages.
Firstly
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,
students
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 who take time off may lose their academic momentum. Having been away from formal study for a year, they may find it difficult to readjust to lectures, assignments, and examinations.
Secondly
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, some young people may become too comfortable with earning money during work experience, which could discourage them from returning to higher education at all.
As a result
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, they might end up in low-paid jobs with limited career prospects.
On the other hand
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, the benefits of
traveling
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
 or working before
university
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 are more significant. For one thing, real-world experience helps young adults develop maturity and independence. By working, they learn important life skills
such
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 as time management, teamwork, and financial responsibility, all of which are useful when managing academic workloads later on.
Moreover
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,
traveling
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
 exposes them to new cultures, broadens their horizons, and enhances their problem-solving ability. These qualities can make
students
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 more motivated and focused when they eventually pursue their studies. In fact, many universities report that
students
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 who have taken gap years are often more engaged and perform better academically. In conclusion,
although
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 a gap year might cause some
students
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 to struggle academically at first or risk abandoning
university
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 altogether, the personal and educational benefits it brings are more substantial.
Therefore
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, the advantages of
traveling
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
 or working before
university
Use synonyms
 clearly outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Keep a clear view of the task. State your position in the first paragraph and keep it in what you write.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words. Use short links and short sentences to help flow.
task response
Give more clear and real examples from life or study to back up points.
strength
Good start with a clear stance.
strength
Strong order and use of simple linking words.
strength
Introduction and conclusion are present and formal.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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