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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays university education is very expensive. Some people say that universities should reduce their fees, especially for the less fortunate stuvery spedents or those coming from rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#university #education #people #universities #fees #stuvery #spedents #areas
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These days educational institutions have a very high cost. So the majority of people say that universities should reduce the cost because it is very special for the village areas
students
. I totally agree with
this
 and I will discuss it. On the one hand, these days, educational institutions are very expensive
therefore
, some of them do not engage in it. Because of financial situation. As a main case is
students
 do not attend the
university
.
For instance
, my causing sister took a good band of advanced-level but she can not go to the
university
 which is why financial problems.
Therefore
 I believe that universities should reduce the cost.
Moreover
,there are many
students
 who come From the rural area. They can not come to the every day to the
university
 form by bus. They have to
also
 rent a house and
also
 they have to spend money
also
university
 too.
For example
, My friend Nisha lives living a rural area in our country. But she can not enter the
university
 because She has to rent a house and she does not have to spend money on
university
.
Therefore
, the government should reduce money for the institute.
On the other hand
, the government can solve
this
 problem. The main solution is they can look at the financial problems of
students
 and they can give scholarships to them.
For example
, my after friend has a scholarship so her going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
 and now
shi
Correct your spelling
she
show examples
 is a doctor. It is helpful for her to give a scholarship. In conclusion, nowadays
university
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
education is expensive. And the majority of people say that reducing and they can give some scholarship them to help to take good knowledge.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Structure
Consider organizing your essay more coherently, clearly delineating your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion for enhanced readability.
Specificity
Elaborate on your points with more specific examples and details to strengthen your argument.
Grammar & Spelling
Review and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Coherence
Work on transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
Make sure to address the prompt fully, including both sides of the argument if applicable, and develop your own viewpoint clearly throughout.
Position
Your essay shows a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task response.
Examples
You have attempted to use examples to support your points, which is key for a strong essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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