IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

It is generally accepted that smoking is harmful. Many public spaces have signs prohibiting it, and in many countries, smoking in public places is even considered illegal. Some
also
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 argue that the fairest solution is to
smoke
Use synonyms
 outside the building or in designated areas away from crowds. I totally argue with
this
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 view, as smoking is detrimental to others' health, and public places should prioritise the majority. First and foremost, cigarette
smoke
Use synonyms
 harms the respiratory health of anyone exposed to it.
This
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 is mostly because it contains numerous toxic substances that can seriously damage the lungs, particularly among passive smokers. In Indonesia,
for example
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, about 37% of children suffer from respiratory disorders
due to
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 older people
Use synonyms
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 around them.
That is
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 why stricter regulations on public smoking are necessary to protect the health of non-smokers, especially vulnerable groups
such
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 as children and pregnant women.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the primary role of public spaces is to safeguard the well-being of the majority. People have the right to use public facilities
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
without exposure to cigarette
smoke
Use synonyms
. It is
therefore
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 reasonable for those who wish to
smoke
Use synonyms
 to leave the area.
For instance
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, some railway stations provide a designated smoking area far from the waiting room and platforms.
As a result
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, passengers are able to enjoy their journey without being disrupted by harmful
smoke
Use synonyms
,
while
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 smokers are still accommodated. In conclusion, smoking indeed negatively affects those around smokers and deprives people of their basic right to breathe freely without exposure to
smoke
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe that banning it in public places is fair and necessary.

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task response
Your view is clear and you keep to the topic. To raise score, add one short counter idea and a strong start sentence.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with clear links like 'Firstly', 'Next', 'Finally'. Use fewer long sentences.
grammar
Check word use and small grammar errors. Use 'smoking' as a gerund, and fix 'Futhermore' to 'Furthermore'.
examples
Use examples that fit the point. If you mention a number, say where it comes from or keep it general.
lexical
Keep to simple words. This helps keep a strong voice and clear talk.
content
Clear view on the topic and a clear stand.
organization
Structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
examples
Use of examples to back up ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
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