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Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
It is said that studying other
subjects
besides
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
 has become prevalent among some university
students
,
while
 some believe that to gain a qualification, it is necessary for
students
 to focus their full attention and time on the main subject. All sciences are related to each other, and to become great experts, exploring these connections can be necessary for
students
.
For example
, a medical engineer who studies the science of medical devices needs to learn about human anatomy and physiology, diseases, and wireless technology to be able to invent or fix
this
 equipment. By paying attention to
this
 complicated issue, some university
students
 may want to widen their knowledge in various areas to have a deeper understanding of their main
subjects
.
In addition
, the young people are energetic and interested in various topics. University can be introduced as the best place so
students
 can nurture their interests in it, where great and equipped libraries,
courses
, and great masters are provided to them.
As a result
, they would be able to satisfy their desires.
However
, some think the study of other
subjects
 may create the problem of information overloading and they can become confused and bored with all of their knowledge,
as a result
, they would not be able to continue their main
courses
.
Finally
, they may lose the chance of obtaining a qualification.
Furthermore
, by studying in a variety of areas, the time for deeper studying on the main
subjects
 would be lost. And
students
 would not be great experts when they enter society. In conclusion, I believe that knowledge and science are incredibly wide and they overlap with each other. It may be necessary for
students
 to study different
subjects
 and
courses
 to have a better understanding of the main
courses
.
Submitted by hg1984 on

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logical structure
Try to introduce your essay topic more clearly in the introduction. Clarify what both sides of the argument are before presenting your body paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
While the essay has a good logical flow, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
supported main points
To further increase cohesion, make sure each paragraph ends with a sentence that ties back to the main argument of the paragraph or the essay's thesis as a whole.
relevant specific examples
Expand on specific examples to add depth to your arguments. For example, give more detailed scenarios or statistical evidence where appropriate.
complete response
The essay provides a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are clear and comprehensive, making the essay easy to follow.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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