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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing numbers of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Increasingly,
people
Use synonyms
 with health problems are taking matters into their own hands by seeking
alternative
Use synonyms
 remedies rather than regularly visiting their doctor. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is a mostly negative development, despite a few possible advantages. I will discuss two main reasons for
this
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 view in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
while
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 doctors are not always perfect in diagnosing every condition, they are trained professionals with access to scientifically tested treatments. Some
people
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 turn to
alternative
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 medicine after failing to get relief from medical care.
For example
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, patients suffering from chronic headaches or skin conditions might try herbal remedies, acupuncture, or
homeopathy
Use the right word
homoeopathy
show examples
 when conventional treatment seems ineffective.
However
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, the risk is that these methods often lack scientific evidence and may delay proper diagnosis or treatment. In some cases, serious illnesses can worsen if not treated by a licensed doctor.
Secondly
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,
although
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alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments may be more accessible and offer quicker appointments,
this
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 convenience can be misleading. Many
people
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 prefer them simply because scheduling a consultation with a doctor can be time-consuming and frustrating, especially in overcrowded healthcare systems.
For instance
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, someone with persistent back pain might choose to visit a local massage therapist
instead
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 of waiting weeks for a physiotherapy appointment.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may provide temporary relief, it might not address the root cause of the problem. Relying solely on
alternative
Use synonyms
 approaches can lead to mismanagement of health conditions in the long run. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are situations where
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments may seem helpful, I believe the increasing shift away from conventional medicine is generally a negative trend. It can result in delayed treatment, incorrect self-diagnosis, and potential health risks.
People
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to consult medical professionals first and use
alternative
Use synonyms
 therapies only as a complement, not a replacement.

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task response
Add a more balanced view by showing when using alternative care can be right, and how it can fit with regular care.
coherence
Link ideas with clear signs and stick to a simple flow: intro - view - reason 1 - example - reason 2 - example - conclusion.
language
Use shorter sentences where possible and keep common words to reach a wider score.
language
Give more exact details in examples to show full talk.
accuracy
Check small mistakes in grammar and punctuation to avoid loss of points.
structure
Clear position in intro and conclusion.
content
Two clear reasons with examples.
coherence
Use of sign post words like First, Second, For example.
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