IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

#rise #country #benefit #cities #areas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been an issue revolving around a rise in the standard of living in a country. It can be seen that cities benefit better from
this
Linking Words
 aspect rather than rural
areas
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will look into the issues that can be caused and propose solutions to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem. First and foremost, the concentration of economic activities in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 can lead to a scarcity of employment
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can force migration and leave the
countryside
Use synonyms
 workforce unemployed.
Secondly
Linking Words
, rural
areas
Use synonyms
 may experience a lack of quality in healthcare and educational systems because of the resource concentration in urban regions.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to bigger health problems and illiteracy. Another big problem is that rising standards of living can restrict social mobility between urban and
countryside
Use synonyms
 citizens making it difficult to access
opportunities
Use synonyms
 for personal and professional growth. There are several solutions to prevent inequality in standards of living in cities and
countryside
Use synonyms
. Governments can incentivize the establishment of companies in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 way local entrepreneurship would be promoted, and new job
opportunities
Use synonyms
 would be created closer to home for people who live in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. The creation of mobile health units can ensure that medical services reach remote
areas
Use synonyms
. It would improve health care in rural regions. Online education and mobile libraries can extend educational resources to remote
areas
Use synonyms
. It would ensure equitable access to learning
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and extend children's and people's knowledge. The government should invest in infrastructure and support for agriculture. Authorities should allocate resources for the development of rural infrastructure,
such
Linking Words
 as roads, healthcare facilities and educational institutions.
Also
Linking Words
, implementing policies that support and enhance agriculture can boost rural economies. It would provide livelihood
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and reduce dependency on urban-centric employment.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are some issues, but we can solve them by raising the standard of living not only in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 in rural regions.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure, however, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. Clear paragraphing with focused topic sentences will enhance the structure and flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure introduction and conclusion are clearly defined. The introduction could more specifically paraphrase the prompt, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While you have presented several main points, they need to be more thoroughly supported by specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task reasonably well, but giving a complete response means covering all parts of the prompt in equal measure. Make sure both problems and solutions are given sufficient attention.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally relevant, but they could be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Expand on your ideas to explain how they specifically relate to the issue and ensure they are fully developed.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from the inclusion of more relevant, specific examples to illustrate the points being made. These examples would help to bring your arguments to life and make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: