IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000

The chart below shows the information about salt intake in the US in 2000
The bar chart compares how much
salt
Use synonyms
 was ingested in the US in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
salt
Use synonyms
 intake in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was much higher compared to females,
while
Linking Words
 the quantity of
salt
Use synonyms
 consumption in women
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 near
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the recommended
amount
Use synonyms
 of
salt
Use synonyms
 intake in adults. Regarding the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
salt
Use synonyms
 ingestion among men, it started at 2000 milligrams at the age of under 6 and increased considerably to around 4500 milligrams until the age of 20-49. Despite
this
Linking Words
 significant growth, it experienced a moderate decline to 3500 among males, who were aged sixty and above.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the volume of
salt
Use synonyms
 intake in women started approximately at 1,2 grams among girls, who were aged under 6 .
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 rose to 3 grams and remained unchanged among four age groups who were between 6-11 and 40-60 years old females.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it witnessed a slight decrease to 2,5 grams among elderly women , who were over sixty years old.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words salt, amount with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: