IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children can learn effectively by simply watching television, therefore they should be allowed to do so to watch T.V. regularly at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that changes in technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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lead
Replace the word
led
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 to a wide range of opportunities and challenges. Many people believe that students can learn effectively by watching television. I partially agree because watching television offers several benefits to the students,
it
Correct word choice
but it
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also
Linking Words
 brings various drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views. On the one hand, there are various advantages of watching television, but one of the most prominent advantages is that it gives practical knowledge to pupils.
In other words
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, if parents and schools allow their children to watch
T.V.
Correct your spelling
TV
, they can quickly learn and catch the visual representation which
reamins
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remains
 in their memory for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 time.
For instance
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, in India, many schools provide videos on specific subjects,
such
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 as Physics and Biology
rather
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, rather
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 than providing
theory
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theoretical
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 knowledge.
On the other hand
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, despite these positive aspects, there are several disadvantages associated with
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 screen. One of the most notable demerits is that it negatively impacts
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
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 and physical health of children.
This
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 means that, if learners use excessive screen
time
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time,
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 it causes eye strain, sleep pattern disturbance, and a sedentary lifestyle.
Moreover
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, many learners suffer from mental illness,
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
For example
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,
according to
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WHO
Correct article usage
a WHO
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 report, many children suffer from obesity, cardiovascular disease, and mental illness. In conclusion,
although
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 watching
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
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 has various boons,
such
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 as providing practical knowledge, it
also
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 has many bans,
such
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 as
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on health, which should not be ignored.
Therefore
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, in my viewpoint, it is important to strike a balanced approach, so that the merits outweigh
demerits
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the demerits
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.

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task
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.
task
Give simple reasons for your view and back them with one or two clear examples.
language
Use short, easy sentences. check grammar and spelling.
language
Use common words. avoid hard words and long phrases.
structure
Clear plan with three parts: intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Attempts to use sign posts to show contrast.
argument
End paragraph restates view.
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