IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart provide information about student accommodation at one US university in 2013

the chart provide information about student accommodation at one US university in 2013
The given bar chart shows information about the number of
students
Use synonyms
 using various types of accommodation chosen by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
US
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both
university
Use synonyms
 dormitory and shared
apartment
Use synonyms
 were the most chosen accommodation by undergraduate
students
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 most graduate
students
Use synonyms
 preferred to live in a shared
apartment
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
shared
Correct article usage
a shared
show examples
 house.
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
The university
show examples
 dormitory was chosen by around 4250
students
Use synonyms
 who were still learning, making it the most common accommodation method.
While
Linking Words
 3750
students
Use synonyms
 chose to live in a shared
apartment
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only about 250
students
Use synonyms
 decided to stay in the married student housing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 who acquired their bachelor's degree preferred to live in a shared
apartment
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 nil graduates lived in a
university
Use synonyms
 dormitory.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a few
of
Change preposition
apply
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graduate
students
Use synonyms
 lived with a roommate, which is the least chosen way to live
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 only around 100
students
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, university, apartment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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