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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the data on the prices of banana

The graph shows the data on the prices of banana
The line graph illustrates the
rate
Use synonyms
 of bananas in four
various
Correct word choice
apply
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nations for a
decade
Use synonyms
 from 1994 to 2004. All units are measured in US dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 price in Japan was the
highest
Punctuation problem
highest,
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 followed by France,
while
Linking Words
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 in the USA was the lowest in a
decade
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Germany,Japan and France had the fluctuating trend over the period
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 in the USA was relatively constant after four years.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Japan started with the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 at just below 2
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start of the period, which reached
at
Change preposition
apply
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the top in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 year,
then
Linking Words
 fell again in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 year, and finished with the highest in the end of the period with above 2.50.
Moreover
Linking Words
, France started at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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above 1.50 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1994, and remained steady for three years, and had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 trend, where it reached
at
Use the right word
a
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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second at above 1.50.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the USA
was
Verb problem
apply
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had the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start of the
decade
Use synonyms
, which rose in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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decade
Use synonyms
 and after three
yeras
Correct your spelling
years
 it
was
Verb problem
apply
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remained constant until 2004.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Germany had
also
Linking Words
fluctuating
Correct article usage
a fluctuating
show examples
 trend, expect
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two years, below 1.50 and just above 1.00,
in
Change preposition
at
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 the start and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end, respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, decade with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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