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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that academic qualifications are essential for success, while others think practical skills are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A group of individuals present the view that
people
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 need academic certifications to be successful,
whereas
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 others believe feasible expertise is more essential. I strongly agree with the latter side. On the one hand, some
people
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 reasonably argue that there are several jobs which do not need academic knowledge and they can be learned just at work-places from an experienced employer.
Although
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, many research findings reveal that there are several successful workers all over the world who do not have academic certificates.
In addition
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, there are numerous
people
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 all over the world who are deprived of academic facilities and they are unable to go to the academy.
Therefore
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, most of them work from an early age and it causes becoming more
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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 when they get older against their peers who have not any experience in the same field and just have studied about it. So the experience can lead to accomplishment.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that studying at educational
institution
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institutions
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 is the main and only way to get a good job and achieve their goals. They believe higher education makes
people
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 more expert and teaches them how to do work exactly.
In addition
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, they believe that only the academic majors can lead to a good job.
For instance
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, most parents encourage their children to study medical science, engineering or law at university, because they are convinced that only doctors, engineers and lawyers can be successful.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as nowadays
it is clear that
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 there are a huge number of
people
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 who have really good occupations that are good role models for children and youths.
Moreover
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, most jobs do not need to be studied at college and
people
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 can be professional at theme by gaining practical experience at work.
To conclude
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, in my view, many
people
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 can succeed without academic education. There are several practical great jobs which are learned without a university education. And many
people
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 are unable to go to university.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and use clear topic sentences to strengthen the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to connect the conclusion more assertively with the main points discussed, providing a strong summary or final insight.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and understandable. Make sure your arguments are fully developed.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, providing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You offer a strong personal opinion, which is clearly stated and defended.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear separation of ideas into paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a framework to the essay.
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