IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.The needs of old people and young people are similar, so both should get equal government support.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that the
government
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 should provide equal
support
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 to
both
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 the younger and the older generations since their needs are largely similar.
While
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 I agree
Use synonyms
both
Correct word choice
that both
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 age groups deserve sufficient public resources, I believe that their demands are not identical, and
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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government
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support
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 should be distributed in a more flexible way. It is true that the needs of old and young people are comparable.
To begin
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 with,
both
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 of them require reliable healthcare services, though in different forms.
For the
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The
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 older
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they need nursing care for common diseases,
while
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 young people think the prevention of mental problems is significant.
Additionally
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, financial
support
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 is
also
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 a key need. There are many occasions that require capital investment.
For instance
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, the investment
of
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in
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 education and career opportunities are two main needs in younger generations, and pension investments hold a quite high level of importance among the elderly population.
Therefore
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,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should see the fundamental needs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and give equal
support
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. Take healthcare insurance as an example, it covers common diseases in the elderly,
should
Correct word choice
and should
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also
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 include mental illnesses prevention in the young. Admittedly, different groups have different priorities in needs. The young prefer education、job opportunity、and skill cultivation.
This
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 needs
influence
Verb problem
to influence
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 future production in a country. Pension and elderly care services are valued by the old
,
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;
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 they care more about the quantity of their lives
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 economic productivity.
Consequently
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, the level of
support
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 should vary by group, rather than being "mechanically equal". Especially in developing countries, they should pay more attention to
invest
Wrong verb form
investing in
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 education in order to drive economic growth. In conclusion,
both
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 young and old people should receive adequate
government
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support
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, particularly in universal areas
such
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 as healthcare. Yet, because their specific needs differ, governments should adjust the allocation of resources rather than offering equal
support
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 in every aspect.

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Task response
Be very clear about your view at the start. State if you agree or not, then back it up with reasons.
Structure
Use one idea per paragraph and start with a simple topic sentence that shows what the paragraph will talk about.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' to keep flow.
Content
Give specific examples that fit the point and explain how they show your idea.
Grammar
Check grammar and spell, keep sentences short and avoid long joins.
Strength
You show a clear view on the topic.
Strength
You compare needs of old and young in a simple way.
Strength
You end with a short note that sums up the main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • retirement pension
  • cost of living
  • healthcare expenses
  • quality of life
  • limited income
  • financial independence
  • personal responsibility
  • preparedness
  • government subsidies
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