IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.The needs of old people and young people are similar, so both should get equal government support.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is an argument that the elderly and
youths
Use synonyms
 have
semblable
Correct word choice
similar
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 demands, so
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 ought to support them equally. Personally, I believe that
although
Linking Words
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 needs
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are quite different, both of their requirements should be considered by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. The demands of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 are essentially a social contract.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 ought to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 that the elder generation has a massive contribution to society and
country
Correct article usage
the country
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the elderly must be received in return, based on the logic of “contribute first and be repaid later”.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
youths
Use synonyms
 who contributed to the Japanese economy 40 years ago, and thereby made Japan
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a developed country. Now, they were treated by the Japanese
government
Use synonyms
 for 60% of
pensions
Correct pronoun usage
their pensions
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 directly in return.
In
Change preposition
Hence
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hence
Linking Words
, it is a duty for
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 rather than a burden. The needs of young
people
Use synonyms
 are
Use synonyms
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
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 basic investment. There is no doubt that the
Use synonyms
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
 are the main
strengths
Fix the agreement mistake
strength
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 of
production
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. If their requirements were not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fulfilled, they would lose their energy to produce more, and in
turn
Add a comma
turn,
show examples
 the social productivity would decrease.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2010, the German
government
Use synonyms
 established a policy that the
government
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 provided 30% of housing allowance to young
people
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. Not only did
this
Linking Words
 policy satisfy
youths
Use synonyms
’ housing needs, but
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
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reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 their living pressure, which
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 their
production
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 willingness. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
 policy, Germany’s industrial
production
Use synonyms
 has developed sustainably, thereby enabling it to remain at the world’s forefront for a long time.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must support the needs of young
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is a must that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should ensure the requirements of both
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the youths
show examples
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
equally
Verb problem
are met equally
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. If the
government
Use synonyms
 were not to guarantee old
Use synonyms
people’ s
Check wording
people’s
show examples
 needs, it would be possible to reduce the
production
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 willingness of young
people
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, because they would believe their efforts would not be rewarded. Meanwhile, the
government
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 should not ignore the
youths
Use synonyms
’ demands, because they are a key to social productivity.

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task response
Clarify your main view at the start and keep to one main idea in each paragraph.
content
Add one strong example for each idea and explain why it shows your point.
grammar
Use only simple sentences and fix word choice that sounds odd.
coherence
Use linking words such as and, but, also, so to show how ideas go together.
task
Make sure you answer the prompt by saying how much you agree and why.
structure
The essay has an intro and a conclusion.
content
There are ideas on both sides of the view.
content
The writer uses examples to back up points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • retirement pension
  • cost of living
  • healthcare expenses
  • quality of life
  • limited income
  • financial independence
  • personal responsibility
  • preparedness
  • government subsidies
What to do next:
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