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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people belive that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradualy taking over control of the way people live. Discus both these views and give your own opinion.

Technologies are seen by many as the key to success, especially among young
people
Use synonyms
. Others,
however
Linking Words
, argue that it has a negative impact. I think technology is a positive shift, but like any instrument, it needs to be used
accordingly
Linking Words
.
People
Use synonyms
 who see them selfs as prophets of technological progress use an example of educational tools.
For instance
Linking Words
, learning speed, capability and brain capacity of students significantly increase with the usage of gadgets and digital resources. The second example was shown during pandemic time, when we learned that many jobs could be done remotely, without renting office space and travel time and with more flexible hours.
In addition
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 to that, it showed that distance doesn't matter for couples who are divided by vast space; they can always stay in touch.
This
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 list could go on with numerous examples.
However
Linking Words
, everything has its pros and cons. Society began to rely on technologies too much, even for simple tasks.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 have forgotten how to calculate in their head,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 do not write their emails and give
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to an outsourced AI assistant. Another example is that
people
Use synonyms
 become more socially phobic and do not communicate with each other, to the point that it is hard to ask them for directions from someone on the street.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, to mention that with mass digitalisation raising a question of cybersecurity, digital scams and fishing, nowadays having privacy is a privilege, all your data and traces are already sold to third parties when you click to agree in the pop-up window on your screen. Personally, I feel that technology is a useful instrument that needs to be taught. You can not deny the advantages that progress brings, but we need to be careful with its drawbacks and new challenges that it brings. We shouldn't take it for granted and rely on them too much. Inventions are supposed to make processes easier
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not to replace human labour and effort.
To conclude
Linking Words
, technologies provide progress and improvement in our lives, but we need to use and implement them wisely.

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content
The essay does answer the task by giving both views and your own view, but add more clear detail for each idea and make each point stronger.
structure
Make topic sentences clear, keep one main idea per paragraph, and use short, simple links to show the flow.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar: fix 'selfs' to 'themselves' and 'phishing', and use plain form throughout.
argument
You state a clear view and back it with examples.
coherence
You use link words like However and Nevertheless to show a link between ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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