IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the best way to reduce the gap between the rich and poor is through government intervention, while others believe that it is better to leave it to the free market. Discuss both views and give your opinion

A large proportion argues that
government
Use synonyms
 intervention is the key to
decreasse
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich and poor
people
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 believed that it would be better if it
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 left to the free market.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and show why I firmly agree with the former opinion. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
power
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on
Change preposition
over
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, and some think that
this
Linking Words
power
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 should be applied to solve the problems that the country is encountering, and one of the most common
societyissues
Correct your spelling
societal issues
 is the
gap
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 caused by the financial status. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that the state has
this
Linking Words
power
Use synonyms
 for the purpose of improving the country by limiting these problems.
Conversely
Linking Words
, there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who advocate leaving
this
Linking Words
 to the free market, and that it's not the
Use synonyms
government
Check wording
government's
show examples
 responsibility to solve
such
Linking Words
 issues. They don't think that the state has the ability to reduce the
gap
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 between the two, because
people
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-especially wealthy
ones
Punctuation problem
ones,
show examples
 cannot be controlled, or forced into thinking that they should be treating the poorer equally. From my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I totally disagree with that, the
government
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 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enough
power
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 to make the rich and poor equal, just like how it overcame the black and white
people
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's problems decades ago. In conclusion,
people
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 had
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 themselves into
to
Use the right word
two
show examples
 groups when discussing the best solution to decrease the noticeable
gap
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 between the rich and the poor, the first
encourged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 the
govrenment
Correct your spelling
government
 to intervene, and the other thought against it, and saw that it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 free market problem. And I stated that I support
government
Use synonyms
 intervention because I believe that the
governmenthas
Correct your spelling
government has
 the
power
Use synonyms
 and the ability to do it.

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structure
Make a simple plan before you write: state your view, give two ideas for each side, and end with your own view.
content
Write a clear start that shows your view. In the main part, give clear ideas and one tiny proof or example for each point; end with a short closing.
coherence
Use link words to move from one idea to the next, like 'also', 'but', 'however', and 'in addition'. Keep ideas in their own paragraph.
content
The essay shows a clear view and tries to discuss both sides.
development
It gives some good points about how the government can act.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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