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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is the best to encourage children to have healthy diet at school. While others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is debate over who is responsible for motivating a child to follow a healthy diet, with some saying teachers should encourage them ,
others
Correct word choice
and others
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 arguing it is a main responsibility of a parent. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 teachers are great influencers, mothers ought to organise healthy eating opportunities. Educators should stimulate students to eat healthy foods , because they are great influencers . The teacher can provide special lessons , which are focused on nutrients , the comparison of different eating habits and the consequences of uncontrolled eating. If
children
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 are well educated and are aware of the detailed knowledge about a variety of
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 with
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 importance , they may automatically follow a healthy diet and may be able to control
as well as
Linking Words
 inspect differences.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with the assistance of
specialized
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specialised
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 lessons and continuous encouragement by their tutors,
children
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 may be able to sort out their consuming ingredients.
Although
Linking Words
 teachers can educate
children
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 about nutritious ways, parents are the main characters who are responsible for their healthy eating . As it is a
mainly
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very
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 important activity in
minor's
Correct article usage
a minor's
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 life to grow healthy. If mothers prepare meals based on a balanced diet which contains many servings of fruit and vegetables, it can create a regular way of eating
as a result
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,
children
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 develop it as a habit.
Thus
Linking Words
, the role of parents is considerably vital in the physical health of
children
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. All things considered, as the way of eating is vital for a child, people should decide who can motivate them to follow healthy options. Even though lessons focused on healthy ways in schools have great potential, in my opinion, family settings play a more important role in encouraging them to be healthy eaters. Parents’ role may surpass the teacher’s aid.

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task response
Give more clear detail and real examples to show both sides.
task response
Start with a clear answer and end with a restate of that answer.
coherence cohesion
Make a clear topic sentence in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order and keep sentences short.
language accuracy
Check spelling and small grammar errors.
content strength
Clear view of how both roles can be seen in school life.
structure
Good order with start, middle and end.
coherence
Some good use of linking words and flow between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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