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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows transport preferencesamong Young people in four countries in a singleyear

The bar chart below shows transport preferencesamong Young people in four countries in a singleyear
The graph illustrates the variations in terms of the diverse choices of transportation among youngsters in four nations, the UK,
Correct article usage
the Unite
show examples
Unite
Replace the word
United
show examples
 States,
France
Use synonyms
,
Italy
Correct word choice
and Italy
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the young people in four counties prefer
diving
Use the right word
driving
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the usage of the motorcycle is minimal
except
Punctuation problem
, except
show examples
Change preposition
among Americans
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Americans
Punctuation problem
Americans,
show examples
 among
which
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 the least
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 mode of transportation is the bicycle. In terms of the
car
Use synonyms
, the proportion of the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
show examples
 of the
car
Use synonyms
 occupies the highest in Italy (73%
)
Punctuation problem
),
show examples
followed by the UK and
Correct article usage
the Unite
show examples
Unite
Replace the word
United
show examples
 States, both with 60%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the share of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 in
France
Use synonyms
 is minimal (40%).
Conversely
Linking Words
,
British
Correct word choice
in Britain
show examples
,
France
Use synonyms
 and Italian ride a motorcycle
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 least, with 10% roughly,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
riding
Verb problem
apply
show examples
motorcycles
Fix the agreement mistake
motorcycle
show examples
in
Check wording
riders in
show examples
 America is the sum of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
, with 30%. With regard to the bicycle, the
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 transportation accounts for the largest in
France
Use synonyms
 (48%
)
Punctuation problem
),
show examples
followed by the UK (30%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
Correct article usage
the Unite
show examples
Unite
Replace the word
United
show examples
 States and Italy, youngsters ride a bike
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
, the percentages take up 10% roughly.The bar chart below shows transport
preferencesamong
Correct your spelling
preferences among
 Young people in four countries in a
singleyear
Correct your spelling
single year

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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