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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows transport preferencesamong Young people in four countries in a singleyear

The bar chart below shows transport preferencesamong Young people in four countries in a singleyear
The graph illustrates the variations in terms of the diverse choices of transportation among youngsters in four nations, the UK,
Correct article usage
the Unite
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Unite
Replace the word
United
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 States,
France
Use synonyms
,
Italy
Correct word choice
and Italy
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the young people in four counties prefer diving a
car
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the usage of the motorcycle is minimal except Americans among which the least
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 mode of transportation is the bicycle. In terms of the
car
Use synonyms
, the proportion of the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
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 of the
car
Use synonyms
 occupies the highest in Italy (73%
)
Punctuation problem
),
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followed by the UK and
Correct article usage
the Unite
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Unite
Replace the word
United
show examples
 States, both with 60%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the share of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 in
France
Use synonyms
 is minimal (40%).
Conversely
Linking Words
, British,
France
Use synonyms
 and Italian ride a motorcycle at least, with 10% roughly,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of riding motorcycles in America is the sum of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
counties
Use the right word
countries
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, with 30%. With regard to the bicycle, the
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
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 of
this
Linking Words
 transportation accounts for the largest in
France
Use synonyms
 (48%
)
Punctuation problem
),
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followed by the UK (30%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
Correct article usage
the Unite
show examples
Unite
Replace the word
United
show examples
 States and Italy, youngsters ride a bike
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
, the percentages take up 10% roughly.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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