IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the Advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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In many countries, high school graduates may travel or
work
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 for a period of time,
while
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 others decide to study at university right after
graduation
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. After considering both sides, I believe the advantages of travelling or working after
graduation
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 outweigh the disadvantages, as these experiences can help young
people
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 become more independent and make clearer decisions about their future. For students who travel, the experience can help them learn about different cultures.
This
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 is important because young
people
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 may become more open-minded and independent when they have to communicate with
people
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 from different backgrounds.
For example
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,
while
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 travelling, young
people
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 may choose to stay in hostels rather than hotels because of their limited budget. In
this
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 situation, they may need to share rooms and facilities with strangers. If a disagreement arises, they can learn how to solve the problem and understand other
people
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’s habits and cultural differences. Some high school graduates choose to
work
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 after
graduation
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. I believe that
work
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 experience can help young
people
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 understand the importance of teamwork.
For instance
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, in the workplace, they may have many opportunities to
work
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 with their colleagues. They may need to cooperate with others to develop a new marketing strategy, or they may have to
work
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 together to debug a computer error.
Therefore
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, they can gradually realise that communication skills are
also
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 important.
Although
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work
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 experience brings benefits, it may
also
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 create overwhelming stress for some young
people
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. Every decision comes with responsibility, especially in the workplace.
For example
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, if a student works in a bank, writing one incorrect number may cause serious problems because every digit represents money. In
this
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 context, students who are not prepared for
such
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 pressure may feel anxious or discouraged.
However
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, with proper guidance,
such
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 pressure can
also
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 teach them to become more careful and responsible. In conclusion, I reaffirm my view that the advantages of travelling or working after
graduation
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 outweigh the disadvantages. Even though these experiences may bring stress and frustration, they can help young
people
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 gain more knowledge and improve their communication skills. Whether they decide to continue their studies or keep working, these life experiences can prepare them better for the future.

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task response
Make your main idea even more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear bad point, not only stress, to show both sides more fully.
task response
Some examples are good, but one or two can feel a bit general. Make them more direct and real.
coherence and cohesion
Use stronger topic sentences so the reader knows the point at once.
coherence and cohesion
Link the third body part more clearly to your main view about why the good side is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
A few ideas could be joined more smoothly with clear linking words.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides and give a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main point, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
task response
Examples help support your main points.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • practical experience
  • maturity
  • academic momentum
  • cultural exposure
  • diverse cultures
  • workforce
  • competitive edge
  • real-world skills
  • continuity
  • entry-level jobs
  • financial concerns
  • broadened perspectives
  • personal growth
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