IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This trend has negative effects on both society and family. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's fast-paced world,
due to
Linking Words
 the proliferation of fast
food
Use synonyms
consumption
Punctuation problem
consumption,
show examples
 national
meals
Use synonyms
 are being eaten less compared to fast
food
Use synonyms
. I consider
this
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a negative change
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 will be elucidated in the upcoming paragraphs. One reason why quick-prepared
food
Use synonyms
 is disadvantageous is that it leads to
gain weight
Correct word order
weight gain
show examples
. Since
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 contains a large amount of oil and
mayonna
Correct your spelling
mayonnaise
, digesting takes a long time, contributing to
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
show examples
. To cite, a research which has been carried
in
Change preposition
out in
show examples
 the USA has proved that most of the obese individuals
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 on a daily
basic
Use the right word
basis
show examples
,
arising
Verb problem
resulting in
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 a number of health issues.
Moreover
Linking Words
, that conventional
meals
Use synonyms
 are safe and cheap to eat is a fact. In every home and
family
Punctuation problem
family,
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 women cook nutritious
meals
Use synonyms
 for their kids and family members. It is undeniable that they select the best products as ingredients, making their
meals
Use synonyms
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
far safer to intake than fast
food
Use synonyms
. Another reason that
prioritizes
Change the spelling
prioritises
show examples
 national
meals
Use synonyms
 over international ones is cultural identity. It is known that
meals
Use synonyms
 represent
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 culture, passing through generations. As long as individuals consume more burgers, they will cook their traditional
meals
Use synonyms
 less, leading to the disappearance of
the
Correct article usage
these
show examples
meals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in one of the countries of Europe
because
Punctuation problem
, because
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 of
mass
Correct article usage
the mass
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 consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
national
Punctuation problem
, national
show examples
meals
Use synonyms
 have lost their value. Now, youngsters of
this
Linking Words
 country do not even know the names of their national
meals
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 affects the culture of the nation negatively. In summary, a substitution of conventional
food
Use synonyms
 with fast
food
Use synonyms
 is detrimental as it leads to obesity and impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
nationality
Replace the word
nation
show examples
 in a negative way.

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Task
Task response is not fully strong. State a clear view and give more proof.
Grammar
Fix grammar and spelling errors like mayonna and daily basic, and check sentence flow.
Coherence
Link ideas with clear ties and use simple connect words. Each paragraph should have one big idea.
Structure
There is a plan: intro, 3 body ideas, and a conclusion.
Content
The topic is clear and you show a view on health and culture.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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