IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, fashion is becoming more and more important to young people. Some people think this has negative impacts on young people and on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
fashion
Use synonyms
 is becoming more crucial to the young generation. By
fashion
Use synonyms
, I mean that
people
Use synonyms
 buy a lot of goods in order to follow trends.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
this
Linking Words
 has negative effects, I disagree because of its positive impacts on psychology and the economy. The first reason concerns psychology.
Fashion
Use synonyms
 matters because it can relieve stress when
people
Use synonyms
 buy fashionable products.
In addition
Linking Words
, it provides not only a sense of happiness but
also
Linking Words
 motivation for
people
Use synonyms
 to engage with
fashion
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are interested in high technology prefer to buy the latest smartphone.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can relieve their stress and experience happiness
while
Linking Words
 they pursue their interests.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are motivated to work harder and earn money in order to pursue the newest products. A second reason relates to the economy. Following
fashion
Use synonyms
 enables
people
Use synonyms
 to spend considerable money, which stimulates economic growth.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals often purchase new clothes that are not strictly necessary for them. Admittedly, some environmental problems arise. Buying too many products and using them only once increases waste. Yet these environmental problems can be managed through recycling old clothes or using less polluting materials.
Therefore
Linking Words
, companies boost their income
while
Linking Words
 developing recyclable materials. In conclusion, following
fashion
Use synonyms
 has positive impacts on our society. With pollution and waste issues resolved, the benefits to psychology and the economy will outweigh the disadvantages. The aim is not to reject
fashion
Use synonyms
 but to shape it in ways that sustain economic growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Start with a short intro that restates the prompt and say your view.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and tie it to your main idea.
language
Link ideas with simple words and make each sentence easy to read.
content
Give direct links between fashion and its effect on youth, with clear examples.
task response
Clear view kept through the essay
coherence
Two main ideas covered with examples
What to do next:
Look at other essays: