IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. what do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it ?

#homelessness #cities #world #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Homelessness increases in several big
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world, and it should be solved. In my perspective, the main reason that affects
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is
urbanisation
Use synonyms
. In fact, some of the solutions provided can lead to overcoming the
problem
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are eager to go to metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to do something for a living.
However
Linking Words
, if the
urbanisation
Use synonyms
 activities are executed massively, it will result in a vital
problem
Use synonyms
: homelessness, in which many
people
Use synonyms
 don’t have shelter to live.
This
Linking Words
 condition is normal in a big
city
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of rules focusing on
city
Use synonyms
 planning, so individuals from the countryside freely move to
cities
Use synonyms
 without any preparation.
For instance
Linking Words
, everyone dreams of hanging their lives in Jakarta because they envisage that there are many jobs available. Meanwhile, there is no specific rule that provides jobs, so
people
Use synonyms
 who have been there will do anything to continue their lives,
such
Linking Words
 as sleeping on a sidewalk or, in a different case, behaving in a harmful way in order to get money. In terms of solution, the
problem
Use synonyms
 can be solved in two ways:
first,
Linking Words
by limiting
urbanisation
Use synonyms
 and promoting another
city
Use synonyms
 to citizens so they can find an alternative
city
Use synonyms
 to live in.
Second,
Linking Words
by equipping citizens with economic knowledge, which can overcome the
problem
Use synonyms
. Government can facilitate socialisation in some small towns in order to make
people
Use synonyms
 aware of how important knowledge is, especially about managing money before moving to big
cities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
problem
Use synonyms
 of homeless
people
Use synonyms
 increasing in
cities
Use synonyms
 is a result of
urbanisation
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 not well managed.
However
Linking Words
, if the solution mentioned can be implemented by the government, I believe it can bring a bright future to the citizens.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear logical structure by organizing paragraphs effectively and using transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent introduction and conclusion. Both should address the topic promptly and reflect the main points discussed in the essay body.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each main point is supported with relevant and detailed examples or evidence, something that was partially missing in your essay.
task achievement
Provide a full response to the task by covering all parts of the prompt extensively, ensuring that no minor aspect is overlooked.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas by fully developing them with explanations and support. Avoid general statements that lack substance.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples should be detailed, relevant and applicable to the argument you're trying to make.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: