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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. This is because parents spend much of their time at work not at home. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In several nations, youth face an increasing number of social problems. Many argue that
this
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 occurs because
parents
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 spend most of their time working rather than staying at home to raise their
children
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. I completely agree with
this
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 view because
teenagers
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 constantly need guidance, proper supervision, and emotional support as they grow into adults.
Body paragraph 1
First,
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guidance is essential for
teenagers
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 because they are at a vulnerable age where they may struggle to distinguish right from wrong. When
parents
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 lack time to guide their
children
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,
teenagers
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 often turn to external influences
such
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 as negative peer groups.
As a result
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, their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 can change for the worse, which poses a serious threat to their future.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, parental supervision helps monitor risky activities. Adolescents naturally like to experiment with new things, which can sometimes lead to addiction to drugs or alcohol. When
parents
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 work long hours and cannot keep an eye on their
children
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, these dangerous habits can quickly escalate into major societal issues.
Body paragraph 3
Finally
Linking Words
, emotional care and attention play a vital role in a young person’s development.
Children
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 who feel genuinely loved and supported by their
parents
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 are less likely to participate in harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 because they care about their
parents
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' expectations and values. Spending quality time together fosters mutual respect and helps prevent youth misconduct.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that working long hours prevents
parents
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 from giving
teenagers
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 the attention they desperately need. Without proper guidance, supervision, and emotional bonding, youth are far more likely to contribute to growing social problems.

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task response
Your view is very clear from the start, and you answer the full question. To make the answer stronger, explain more about how each problem may affect school, family life, or the wider community.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: parents give guidance, watch over children, and give love and care. Add one short real-life example for one idea, such as a teen who spends time with a bad group after school when no parent is at home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear flow: opening, three main parts, and a closing. Each body part has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “First,” “Furthermore,” “Finally,” and “In conclusion” are used well. You can also link ideas inside a paragraph more closely by showing a full chain: parent is away, teen has less help, teen makes a poor choice, and a social problem grows.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats your main view well. Make it even more direct by briefly naming the three points again: guidance, watching over teens, and emotional care.
task response
You clearly agree with the idea and keep this view from the opening to the end.
task response
The three reasons are on-topic and well chosen. They show why time with parents matters for teenagers.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear and well ordered. The reader can easily see the main point in each one.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing work well together, and the closing gives a clear final answer.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social problems
  • teenagers
  • parental absence
  • work-life balance
  • parental guidance
  • peer influence
  • independence
  • community support
  • government initiatives
  • tackle
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