IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Many people think that museums and galleries should only show work from local artists rather than work from other countries. Do you agree?”

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that museums and galleries should display
art
Use synonyms
 created by local artists,
while
Linking Words
 others think international works are
also
Linking Words
 important. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point because local
arts
Use synonyms
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to show their creativity, gain knowledge about their own culture and
less
Verb problem
are less
show examples
 expensive than international
arts
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a creative subject which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more genius. If the government
value
Correct subject-verb agreement
values
show examples
 the traditional
art
Use synonyms
 in the museums, the local artists will be more
inspire
Wrong verb form
inspired
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their work.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they could be made more valuable
arts
Use synonyms
 which represent the national culture and tradition.
For example
Linking Words
: Italy and France have numerous
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 which
gives
Verb problem
bring
show examples
 them back enormous tourists and profit, because they value their own traditional
art
Use synonyms
. So,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on own culture makes
people
Use synonyms
 extraordinary
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their work.
Secondly
Linking Words
, storing the
internation
Correct your spelling
international
arts
Use synonyms
 in the gallery
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 much expensive than local
arts
Use synonyms
. First of all, bringing one
art
Use synonyms
 from another
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
license
Correct article usage
a license
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, transportation
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 expensive.
Above all
Linking Words
, getting
license
Correct article usage
a license
show examples
 and transportation
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 too remarkable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local
art
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the local
people
Use synonyms
 will
ben
Check wording
apply
show examples
not
also
Linking Words
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the international work if the
arts
Use synonyms
 do not keep play place
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
show examples
, so how
it can
Correct word order
can it
show examples
 take place
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
. So, paying extra
cost
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 museum. In conclusion, local
art
Use synonyms
 should be placed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
which give
Verb problem
that
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
 creativity
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 and
less
Verb problem
is less
show examples
 expensive than international
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
.So,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
be encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 about local
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 international
arts
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Plan your essay with one clear line in the start. State your view in the first sentence and restate it at the end.
coherence
Give one main idea in each paragraph and add a simple example that fits. Use words like First, Next, Also, Then, Finally to show how ideas go.
coherence
Use simple and short sentences. Fix grammar to make meaning clear. Do not mix ideas in one sentence.
content
The writer shows a clear view about local art and its cost.
structure
There are three clear parts: intro, body, conclusion.
examples
An example from real places is given to back the idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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