IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world's cities today. Disccus the main causes.What solutions could be used to tackle this situation.

There is a general consensus that one of the most concerning issues of
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world today is the people
migrating
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from one city to another.
This
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 essay will
explores
Wrong verb form
explore
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 the crucial reasons and what solutions could be used to handle
this
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 phenomenon. There are a variety of causes for the increasing number of migrations to other
cities
Use synonyms
. One of the main reasons is that the unbalance within
cities
Use synonyms
' developments has
cause
Replace the word
caused
show examples
 more and more people to move to more advanced
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, Ben Tre's advancement
obvious
Verb problem
was obvious
show examples
couldn't
Correct word choice
and couldn't
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 stand a chance against Ha Noi. Another huge point is the lack of appreciation for local culture. Some communities obliviously reject local customs and replace
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with the trending activities.
For example
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, in
Vietnamese
Correct article usage
the Vietnamese
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 Mid Autumn Festival,
instead
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 of eating the traditional moon cake, some choose to eat a national Jakarta dish called
Tekukka
Correct your spelling
Tekukuk
.
This
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 is
such
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 a major disrespect to their ancestors and should be banned. Though the situation is
complicating
Replace the word
complicated
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 and arduous, different effective measures could be taken by governments to resolve
such
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phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
show examples
.
Firstly
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, authorities can make their
cities
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 better by applying more potent policies. Simple things that could be improved
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as better sanitation, faster and more stable internet and electric speed, pension policies.
Secondly
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, educators should teach kids to embrace and
modernize
Change the spelling
modernise
show examples
 their cultural traditions rather than abandoning
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion, there are quite a few reasons for the rising number of migrations to other
cities
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as the distinct
differents
Use the right word
differences
show examples
 between developed
cites
Use the right word
cities
show examples
 and underdeveloped ones. Even though the challenge stood as demanding and
strenous
Correct your spelling
strenuous
, local governments can embrace their culture and register stern policies in improving their environment to mitigate the situation.

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coherence
Plan your answer. Put one main idea in each paragraph. Use words like First, Next, Also, Finally to link ideas.
task response
Stick to the topic. Talk about causes and good ways to solve. Do not add facts you cannot prove.
grammar
Use simple grammar. Check plural s and the verb forms. Keep phrases short and clear.
examples
Give real or possible examples that fit the point you make. Keep examples simple and clear.
structure
Use a simple plan: intro, 2-3 body paragraphs, and short ending.
content
The essay tries to discuss causes and solutions.
content
There is an attempt to give examples to support points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • rural-urban migration
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • economic disparities
  • healthcare facilities
  • employment opportunities
  • standard of living
  • transportation networks
  • educational institutions
  • career advancement
  • amenities
  • migration
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • living conditions
  • job market
  • social services
  • entertainment facilities
  • economic divide
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