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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others think that teamwork and cooperation are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

Some people argue that developing
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 in school is essential for
students
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,
while
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 others believe that teamwork and cooperation are more valuable skills.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe that fostering
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 has greater long-term benefits. On one hand, encouraging
students
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 to be competitive can significantly enhance academic performance and personal development. Competition motivates
students
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 to work harder and set higher goals, which often leads to better exam results and skill mastery.
For example
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,
students
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 who participate in academic contests or science fairs tend to be more disciplined and goal-oriented.
Moreover
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, being competitive prepares
students
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 for the demands of professional life, where ambition, initiative, and the ability to outperform others can be crucial in fields
such
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 as business and research.
On the other hand
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, focusing solely on competition can have drawbacks, particularly for mental health and social development. Excessive
competitiveness
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 may lead to stress, anxiety, and a fear of failure.
In contrast
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, teamwork and cooperation foster social skills, empathy, and the ability to work effectively with others.
For instance
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, group projects in school teach
students
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 to manage different opinions, share responsibilities, and solve problems collaboratively. These skills are
also
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 important for success in both personal and professional contexts. In conclusion,
while
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 teamwork and cooperation are undeniably important, I believe that cultivating
competitiveness
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 in
students
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 provides more substantial benefits in terms of academic achievement and career preparation. Ideally, schools should strike a balance by promoting healthy competition alongside opportunities for collaboration.

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structure
Keep a clear view in the opening and restate it in the end.
coherence
Use more simple linking words to show flow.
content
Add more precise, real world examples for each point.
language
Check long sentences and fix grammar to be clearer.
structure
Clear plan in the intro and conclusion.
content
Good balance of views with your own view.
coherence
Reasoning is easy to follow and examples are good.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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